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Part 4
By Ladyglen
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*what*?
"All right! Whoohoo! Way to go Sai!"
"Kento! Down boy!"
"Aw, c'mon Ryo. That's a good one! Couldn't have done better myself!"
I have to *WHAT*?!?
"Maybe so, but if you don't sit down, then none of us will be able to see the show!"
"Oops! Sorry, Ryo."
Oh God. Kiss him? S-Sage? Oh Sai, how could you do this to me? I can tell just by looking at you that you know exactly what you're asking of me.
"Ewwwww! Saaaage, this is stupid!"
"Mika! If you don't like it, then leave!"
"We should! I've had about enough of you and your stupid games, Kento!"
"Funny, everyone else in the room is enjoying them. Can't help it if you're no fun!"
This can't be happening. Dear lord. So this is how it feels to have your heart sink into your stomach. Think I'm going to be sick.
"Stop it, the two of you! Why don't you *both* act your ages!"
"Sai's right guys. It's just a game fer chrissakes!"
"Sorry, Ryo."
"It's all right, Kento, but if you can't get along with her, then ignore her."
"Hmmph!"
There has to be some way out of this. Some way to salvage this without making a complete idiot of myself. Some way I can keep Sage and everyone else from finding out how I really feel. God, Rowan, you're supposed to be so smart. Get a grip and *think*!
"So come on guys, let's see what you both got."
"Ryo, don't you think we should ask Sage if he's willing to go along with this?"
Yes! Knew I could count on Mia, she's always the voice of reason. Come on Sage, she's just given you a way out. Please, God, take it.
"Hey! No one gave *me* a choice about letting *HIM* touch me!"
"*MIKA*!"
"All right, all right, you all don't need to yell at me, but it's *still* not fair!"
I'll even take her sulking if it diverts attention away from me. I'd even be happy if it influenced Sage just this once.
"I don't mind, I'll play along."
Or not. Hell, Sage, don't *do* this to me. I. Am. Doomed.
"Saaaaage! Eeeeyuck! How could you even consider it? Come on, you don't have to do *any* of this. Let's *go* already."
All right, Mika! Never thought I'd be cheering her on, but hell, I'll take salvation from any quarter. Even from *her*. God, pathetic *and* desperate. I really *am* doomed.
"Mika, chill. I said it's all right. It's only a game, and I did agree to play it. It's just a kiss. It's not as if it means anything."
Just a game. Doesn't mean a thing! Oh lord, I really do feel sick. To kiss him just once... I remember that one time. Painted such a vivid picture of one single kiss, dreamed it was so good, and that alone was enough to make me come. Don't think I've ever been this close to tears in my adult life. Somehow, I'd always hoped... but I can't read anything from him, no hidden meaning behind his words. I really think he means it. To kiss me *will* mean nothing to him. I don't think I can deal with this.
"But-, but-, but Saaaaage! He-, he's a *boy*!"
"Oh good, you noticed. Come on, Mika, that hardly makes a difference. It's not a big deal."
Never thought all my hopes and dreams could be derailed with such a simple sentence. I *can't* go through with this. He'll know. He'll feel it in my body, he'll read it in the kiss. If I do this, there's no way I'll be able to hold anything back. And as soon as he sees in my eyes the feelings I've tried so hard to hide, it'll all be over. Everything. I can't do this.
"If you guys are finished, can we get *on* with this?"
"Kento's right."
"Thank you, Sai."
Or can I? This will be the only opportunity I'll *ever* have to kiss him, he's made that much plain to me. Can I let that opportunity pass? Oh lord, my only chance to ever find out what he feels like and how he tastes. Can I take that chance and control myself?
"Let's go, Rowen!"
"Not trying to back out of it *are* you?"
"Kento, Ryo... You're awfully quiet, Rowen. What are you waiting for?"
Hell, now they're all staring at me. Somehow, some way I'll get you for this Sai. Decision time, Ro, it's now or never. What'll it be? "I-, nothing, Sai. Not waiting for a thing." Have to do it, have no choice. Got to know. Even if it'll never be anything *but* a game to him. Maybe I can somehow *make* it mean more to him. Maybe something good *can* come out of this fiasco.
"So, Rowen, *do* it already!"
"All right, all right! Geez, give me a break Kento." Got to take the chance... Just remember control. As long as I can maintain control, we'll still remain friends. Losing his friendship is *not* an option. "All set Sage?"
"Ready whenever you are, Rowen."
"So c'mere." At least he's thoroughly ignoring Mika, though he's missing a good impersonation of a fish. Never seen her speechless before. Hell, don't think of the viper, at least not now. One single opportunity, remember? Make the most of what you can get. Can't let *anything* ruin this, least of all *her*. Brace yourself, Rowan, he's only a few steps away. Can't tear my eyes away. The way he moves, so graceful...
"Finally!"
Stops in front of me. Can't force myself to move. God, I can't read his expression. Just what's going on behind those pale eyes?
"Relax, Rowen, it's only 5 minutes. It'll be over with before you know it."
Hope a nod is sufficient since my voice seems to have dried up. *Only* 5 minutes? A blink of an eye *and* an eternity. He's so close... and still so far away.
"Let's do it."
Voice so soft, for my ears alone. Could wish he sounded less as if he were about to face off with the old Warlords and more as if this were something pleasant... Reaching for me. Control, Rowen! No gasping! Breath deeply and evenly... But, oh his hands feel so good on me, even if they are just on my shoulders. Don't close the eyes, *don't* look like you're enjoying his touch.
"Will you two get *on* with it?"
"Kento!"
"But Mia, the dare was a kiss, not to stand there and gaze soulfully into each other's eyes."
Tune them out. I *can* do that. Where to place my hands? Shouldn't touch him at all, but the temptation... can't resist. Shoulders probably the safest bet, but I wish... Oh God, do I dare?
"Kento, give them *both* a break already."
"Yes, Ryo. Sorry, Ryo."
"And don't play meek. It's *very* unbecoming."
Yessss... Feels so good. Skin on his cheek is so soft, not at all like his hands. No scars, no calluses. Would the rest of him feel this good? Oh lord, control Rowen, remember control!
"And don't stick your tongue out at me. God, some day I'm gonna rip it out and strangle you with it."
"Ew, Ryo. That's disgusting."
"Yes, Mia. Sorry, Mia."
"Don't *you* play meek with *me*, Ryo. It's no more attractive on you than it was on Kento."
He's leaning closer... Lips brush, once, twice. Finally, solid contact. God, softer than silk... Drowning... Control, damn it! I'm supposed to survive for 5 minutes? One one-thousand, two one-thousand, three one-thousand...
"Shhh! They're doing it!" (Sai)
"Yeah! Go for it!" (Ryo)
"Remember the tongue! You guys gotta french!" (Kento)
Mouth open enough to permit entrance. Barely, but it's enough. Explosion of taste... So slick and hot... Sweeter than wine... Lord, I could devour him! Oh, no! Where was I in that count? Oh hell, who cares? So hard to concentrate. Really kissing him.
"Ewwwww! *Saaaaage*!
But... he's hardly kissing back. Wrong. This is so wrong! He's hardly responding. Only the barest minimum to fulfill the dare. Mouth still barely open, tongue hardly moving. So rigid under my hands. Dare I look? Oh God! His eyes are open, but they're so... lifeless and dull, as if he were stuck in some lecture bored out of his skull! So little shines through... So mechanical. Like kissing a mannequin. *Doesn't* mean anything to him!
"Eeeeyuck! Sage, baby, how could you do this to meeeee?"
"Shut *up* already!"
"Shut up yourself, Kento!"
"Oooo, *what* a comeback. What rapier wit!"
"Oh, you are both *so* mature. Swear I'm gonna send you to opposite corners of the room!"
"Kento, Mika, Ryo. Why don't *all* of you be quiet?"
"Yes, Sai. Sorry, Sai." (chorus)
"You're all impossible! And *don't* encourage them by laughing, Mia."
Not how it's supposed to be! Dreamed of him melting against me! Idiot! Stupid, stupid, *stupid* idiot! What a fool I was to believe that I could make this mean something to him. Should've bailed when I had the chance.
"This is *so* disgusting. I'm going to be sick!"
"Mika, that's *quite* enough!"
"You've no right to tell me what to do, Mia!"
Never should've taken the chance, never should've opened my eyes. Then at least I'd still have my fantasies. Could pretend that someday he'd love me... want me... Reality check, Rowen. *Never* wanted you that way, and *never* will! It's obvious! Can't. Can't continue this!
"Sure she can! Why don't you just take your prejudiced ass and get *out* of here!"
"We *could* just throw her out, Kento."
"Good idea, Ryo."
"Don't bother yourselves. I'm leaving *and* taking Sage with me. Can't see how he could *possibly* hang with a bunch of-, of-, of *people* like you! Don't know how you've managed to convince him to go along with all this! You're all sick! Boys kissing boys. Come *on*, Sage."
She... pulled him away. She may be having delusions about the amount of influence she has on Sage, but got to give credit where credit is due. I think the viper just managed to save me. How ironic.
"Saaaage. We've gotta get *out* of here!"
He's ignoring her. Though how he can when she's clinging like a barnacle I'll never know.
"Rowen?"
His voice is so soft, no one else hears. Struck mute, can only shake my head. Lord, drop your eyes before your soul leaks out through them. Idiot! Just focus on the floor. Away! Just step away! Move out of the circle. Funny. Thought a broken heart would hurt more. Feel nothing but numbness.
"Saaage, let's go..."
"Mika, get your hand off my arm. You *don't* want me to do it for you."
Deep breath. It's over, finished, end game... but it never *was* a game, not to me. Lord, numbness fading, heart pounding in ears, in temples... Hurts... God, it *does* hurt. More than any wound ever received in battle.
"Sage, I want you to leave with me."
"I don't think so, Mika. I believe you should go now, you've more than outstayed your welcome."
Just dismissed her. Well, at least something has gone right tonight. She won't be in his life any longer. But, God, he's turning back towards me. "Gotta get out of here..." Hell, not enough I have so little control over myself that I actually succumbed to the temptation to kiss him, now I've lost control over my mouth. Didn't mean to speak that aloud, but that doesn't make it any less true. Gotta get out of here before I lose it altogether.
"Rowan?"
Damn him, eyes are drawn to him, attracted like metal to a magnet. Something else I can't control. Damn him and damn me! God, I hurt. Never felt like this before. Then again, I've never had every dream I possessed shattered before. No reaction. Doesn't want me. Look away. Got to keep at least his friendship, can't lose him entirely.
"Rowen? Are you all right?"
"No, Sai." Is that my voice? So faint. Oh, Sai, damn you for starting this! No, not fair. Can't blame Sai. My fault, not his. Hell, I *gotta* get out of here. It's my only hope to salvage what little remains of myself. Force words, *any* words. "I-, don't feel so good all'ava sudden." Words have always been my allies before. So why can't I think of anything more intelligent and convincing to say? "I-, I gotta go."
Sounding as hollow and final as if it belonged on a crypt instead of an up-class hotel room, the door slammed shut behind Rowen, leaving stunned silence to reign uncontested in his wake.
on to Part 5
back to the Gazebo
