All aboard the Terror Train!! In theory, this movie is perhaps on of the founding films of the spin off craze. It was a bigger budget, bigger name, all round bigger slasher film. It stars the ever-delightful Jamie Lee Curtis as the heroine in peril, and the o-so talented Mr. David Copperfield. No I'm not joking, the bunny-pulling card flicking magician himself makes his film début. Lets not get too excited; Copperfield did a pretty rotten thing to the fans of this film. We shall get into that a bit later.
Terror Train is a classic by all means of the definition. If
Psycho is the grandfather of the slasher category, then
Terror Train is the uncle Steve.
Like many of the illustrious 80's slasher films (The Burning, My Bloody Valentine ) Terror Train was filmed in Canada, Toronto to be exact. I swear, those Marxist bastards may not be all together up there, but they sure as hell can make a slasher film. You can really tell when those kooky kids put out a movie, I don't know if it's the style or what.. Anyhow, the film never got the acclaim it deserved. It get a bit of a roar with genre fans and those expecting another Halloween. I do believe Ebert (not a genre fan) gave it the big two stars, however John Stanley (genre fan) gave the film the same rating. The hypothesis being formulated is that this film is average, down to the bloodstains. I beg to differ.
The film begins with a emaciated little guy, couldn't weigh more then 120. He is a geek, right down to his buck teeth and glasses. His fellow seniors concede this and plan a dirty trick on him. Alana (Jamie Lee Curtis) is in on the joke. This is not the corky little virgin we once knew. The guys advocate the little guy to go upstairs and get some from Alana. They tell him she's already waiting and she wants him. After minutes upon minutes of hesitation the young man works up his nerves and climbs the stairs to engage in pre-marital intercourse with his forbidden Juliet. As he enters the room he sees a girl lying on the bed. It is of course just a mannequin; Alana is behind the wall talking for her. "Take your pants off" she calls. The drip does as she asks and climbs into bed with the mannequin, only to discover the truth. He jumps up in a fit of rage and spins around like a mother of a dradle! It's really quite the sight, and perhaps the cheesiest.
Three years past and the fraternity prank is long since forgotten. A graduation/ costume party for the college graduates is being held on New Years Eve on a crazy train (pun intended). I guess the filmmakers couldn't decide what kind of a party they wanted the kids to have. I can see it now, one wanted a costume party, one wanted a graduation party, and one wanted the New Years party. Compromise not to be found. All familiar faces are there, however hidden behind Groucho masks and Lizard costumes. As the crowds board the train there is much excitement and with much surprise . Murder! The young fella wearing the Groucho mask was stabbed in the gut with a sword in all the hustle and bustle. This is the first of the bloodlust.
The party is a swinging; all the frat heads and sorority bimbos are drinking and fucking till their hearts content. In the center of it all is the incomparable David Copperfield as "The Magician". His popularity fluctuates on board, much as it does now. There are times when the college grads are booing and times when they're awing. Alana seems to be fascinated by "The Magician". Well. in all her fascination, other people are dying! The killer is now lurking about the train and killing those he or she sees fit. The killer is styling a Groucho costume at this point.
