The word "Clichéd" comes to mind immediately when trying to describe Pieces of Shite... come to think of it so do words like "Sophomoric" "Assinine" "Senseless" "Vapid" "Inane" and "Pathetic" as all seem befitting of such a poorly thought out movie, but truth be told the thesaurus hasn't been written that contains the right adjective to properly describe a movie that gobbles as much cock as this steaming mug of cat piss. Right from the get go I knew this movie was going to do an uncontrolled barrel roll right into the half star shit bin. I knew this because the film hacks, in all of their infinite wisdom, elected to cast the Georges as their male and female leads. The who? Christopher and Lynda Day George, quite possibly the worst pair of married actors this side of Danny De Vito and Rhea Perlman. Mr. George subscribes to the Hazy Gin Stupor method approach and the lovely Lynda Day tends to devour more scenery than Marlin Brando doing snow angels in your front yard. Simply put the Georges are the cinematic equivalent of a.... TURD IN THE SWIMMING POOL.

In case you doubt me I submit the following list of cinematic atrocities that they gave us before farting forth this turd... Day of the Animals, Mortuary, Cruise into Terror (TV) and Mayday at 40,000 ft (TV) as well as countless episodes of Fantasy Island and The Love Boat. Chris George has also inflicted solo damage to.. Grizzly, Graduation Day, The Exterminator, Enter the Ninja and Fulci's Gates of Hell (which let's face it would have been better sans Mr. George) Not to be out done Lynda Day over acted her way through such genre black holes as... Beyond Evil, Ants and Aliens of Spaceship Earth. Like I said... the Georges are bad news for genre fans. Having said that though I can't with all honesty lay the blame for Pieces of Crap entirely at the feet of Chris and Lynda Day. No more accurately we should throw it at Joe D'Amato and his puppet Juan Piquer Simon for both were easily the main OFFENDERS here.

Pieces of Poo (ok I'll stop) is basically a piss poor attempt at a giallo. We get a ham fisted back story about a young boy's fascination with his little nudie puzzle. His what? Yes his nudie puzzle you read that correctly. Seems the lad enjoys a little frontal nudity now and again. Well, Mom's not having any of that so she over acts her way through a "Your father was an adulterous prick" rant complete with mirror breaking and much shrieking of the word "Whore" while scolding the little porn freak about the evils of nudity. Perturbed at his mother's utter lack of any measurable acting skill the young boy rips out an axe (kept in his bedroom,natch) and proceeds to hack up his mother into itty bitty little peices. The cops arrive and our young murderous little hooligan, covered in Mom's blood by the way, pretends to be hiding in the closet. Naturally the cops don't bother to investigate much until after the gore drenched young man is safe and sound. C'mon now!! The kid is in the room dripping with his mother's plasma, there are no other suspects and no one else anywhere near the crime scene anywhere near her time of death.... WHY DIDN'T THE COPS TAKE HIM IN FOR QUESTIONING!?!?! Yeah but I'm a review miester not an investigator...what do I know right?

Segue forty years later to a shot of a black gloved individual pulling gifts out of a drawer (??) which must have seemed creepy and introspective to Simon and D'Amato as they gorged themselves on pills and cheap sangria but basically just comes off like they had to some space to kill on the film roll. Jump cut to a gal skateboarding to school as a synched out eighties song pulsates in the background. This scene seems like a fine enough opening until the chick rolls into a plate glass mirror being carried into the school by some workers and we're immediately shown the nefarious black gloved madman piecing together a puzzle depicting a woman?s head (puzzles, by the way will serve as this evenings THEME) So the killer is one of the glass workers than? How in the name of the confederacy am I supposed to believe that the killer had anything to do with that murder? How did he know she'd lose her head in the accident by the way? Is the killer piecing together a puzzle made of human body parts as the movie title would imply? If so how did he abscond with the skateboard broad's noggin without the police knowing? These and many other questions go unanswered though as we're immediately whisked away to another part of campus where a young woman catches the business end of a chainsaw to her shoulder blade... IN BROAD DAYLIGHT!! Either the killer has balls of tempered steel or the film hack is a total......ASS RAMMMMMMM!! who forgot to direct with any sense of reality ....mmmmm whatsoever. I mean for CHRISSAKES... the killer has a loud ass chainsaw, it?s the high fucking noon and he elects to kill a student in the middle of campus!?!? WTF!?!?