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 HASH MAG ARCHIVE 1994: RUN NO.576 Run Date: 31 October 1994 The Monster Hash & Halloween Bash I was running on the moor late one night When my eyes beheld an eerie sight Monsters from a bog began to rise Then suddenly to my surprise..... They did the hash (they did the monster hash) The monster hash (it was a graveyard smash) With torches on in a flash, (they did the monster hash) That was Drake's Halloween hash from the Whiteworks Road, near Princetown. Absolutely Mega-Spook-Tastic, Mate! Limpalong's fiendish driving had had a weird effect on his passengers; Endosperm had a devil of a time, changing into a demon during the course of the journey (Knock Knock! Who's there? Demon. Demon who? Demon who's knocking on this door!), and HT2, looking like death warmed up, had become Frankenhalfpint (a stein being too big a container for this monster). A sprinkling of magic dust led the hashers over the hillside under hare Begorrah's spell. Uncannily, Grabarse's light died within the first couple of minutes of the start. He didn't stop after the funeral because he says, from extensive experience, that it's better to do it in the dark than not do it at all. Anyone casting an evil eye over the hash could see that Tinkerbell was in shorts, as befits her stature, Deadly was in tights, Not Norman was in a bin-liner (very appropriate), and Renault was in a leat - right up to her neck. Renault thought that she was going to die but found she couldn't escape that easily. Cream Sod had crept out of the crypt for the evening to catch up on a backlog of short-cutting, and to promote his new book "Up the Munros in Wellies". Future titles in the series will include "The Matterhorn in Winklepickers" and "Everest in Flip Flops". Special offer; order now and get one for the price of two. At Halloween grisly shape-shifters stalk the moor; Endo looked behind him and saw Tinkerbell having a tinkle.................. on her bell. When he looked again she was gone and all he could see was a black dog but the bell continued ringing! He's now convinced that Tinkerbell is really a were-dog (as in "Bewere of the Dog"). Endo was going to tell Sub but then decided it might be better to let sleeping dogs lie. The tale that Mudflaps told was a real horror story; apparently Jelly-Belly had carried her across the leat! Cream Sod quoted the Hash Rule stating that where there is water to be crossed a female hasher may be carried - but no further than halfway. Anonymouse confirmed this version of events, as he had been watching from a safe distance and, as he said, it makes a change for someone else to have Mudflaps on their back. Where the trail actually went was anyone's guess but it certainly had the bewitched, bothered and bewildered hashers staggering around in magic circles. It was not long before Monks impotent/Nuns cross Farm was passed and soon after the cars loomed out of the gloom (without any drivers at the wheel). All in all it was a frighteningly good trail from Begorrah and Yakki. The Plume of Feathers was host to the most ghastly collection of fiends ever seen outside of the House of Commons. The evening got off to a promising start because rumour had it that instead of the usual tongue-lashing our GM (Gruesome Monster) would be giving everyone a punch. It felt good to be let off so lightly, but spirits soared when it was realised the GM was in fact dispensing drinks. A survey of the creatures on display showed very different ideas about what is scary: Rover turned up wearing a giant napkin with tomato sauce on it - extremely frightening to anyone who has seen Rover eating. Anonymouse was dressed as Lawrence of Arabia - very scary for camels. FFerret with his top hat was the spitting image of Noddy Holder from the 70's rock group Slade - petrifying to anyone who can remember long side-burns, platform shoes and flairs. Yakkidah looked like Michael Jackson - certain to give small boys nightmares. Gnasher appeared in a lady's wig and his wife's tights - strange but not frightening unless, of course, he's YOUR dentist. However, he produced two pulsing light globes and put them down his tights. When his balls started flashing, it was obvious he had come as a Ghoulie! Heinz was keen to borrow Gnasher's balls as he didn't have any of his own. A great deal of entertainment was to be had by trying to decide whether IAT puts on a werewolf mask for Halloween, or whether a werewolf puts on an IAT mask for the rest of the year. At the start of the evening Snakehips was the Invisible Man but then he went and spoiled it all by putting in an appearance. He wasn't very impressed by what he saw in the bar and reckoned that if everyone wanted to look like ghosts all they had to do was hire a minibus and get Deadly to do the driving. In fact, Mussels was going to come as a ghost by wearing net curtains, but then decided against it as the window was too heavy to carry. Not Norman's costume consisted of a huge witch's hat. It was so large that we only knew he was under it because someone recognised his trainers sticking out from under the brim. As Skippy posed for a photographic exposure Dastardly Deadly and Fiendish FFerret (Zombie & Son) took it literally and pulled up her shirt, trying to turn it into a pornographic exposure. Watch out for her photo on page 3 .................of the Damart winter catalogue. Oh dear, Oh dear, Deadly had some ghastly fake blood poured on him, and when he tried to scrub it off it left him with a hole in his head (luckily it was nowhere near his brain). The other side effect was that his hair went a bright shade of pink, but not as pink as his face when his wife asked him whose lipstick it was on his ear. Skippy beware! Should he be known as 'Redley' from now on, or 'Pinky and not so Perky'? Will the Barbara Cartland look really suit him? Traditionally horrible Halloween games were played at the instigation of our Gruesome Monster, Yakkidah: The murdering of Father Abraham (yes, that stupid song again) - led by Endosperm and HT2. Catch the cushion under a sheet - which Medlock found out to her cost means "give us a grope" to Thirsty Glass, because he said a boob and a cushion feel the same in the dark. The rubber glove over the head trick (don't try this at home children). Won by Rambo whose head fits perfectly well into a rubber glove. Unfortunately, he's never learnt to get a glove over his hand and so he has to stand on his head in the sink to do the washing up. The softest bum competition - musical bums, six to a chair. Looked like a smaller than usual Drake mismanagement committee meeting. Apple bobbing - a much more interesting version than usual, played as shoe bobbing, courtesy of FFerret. Skittles - Rover managed to bowl everyone over. Bad dog, Rover! And so ended Drake's Halloween Frightnight - a spooktacular success!
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