|
|
|
 HASH MAG ARCHIVE 1994: RUN NO.542 Run Date: 7 March 1994 A Fog & Fibre Diet There was a real whiff of worry when Fluff was telling us about last Monday's run. She didn't think it was long enough, and that she was inexperienced at trail laying. Big hearted Deadly, everyone's friend, said he would tell her if it was a load of crap, in the same friendly way he told dozens of former Drake H3 hashers. She needn't have worried because she and Muff laid a blinding trail, even though we've gone from Norsworthy Bridge so many times before. Although it was a good run, it is true to say the hares were helped by the mist, which meant that as soon as we left the river bed and did a couple of loops, I for one (the most important one), was lost. It was so misty that at one stage Cream Soda and IAT were leading. Sub said he was knackered, and Tinkerbell said she was "bimbling" - whatever that means. Heinz and Begorah had inside information and between them seemed to pick up a lot of the restarts. Snakehips claimed to know where we were all night, so why didn't he find the trail? After these exertions it was back to the Skylark fast beer outlet, except it wasn't for Zippy who hadn't run, and was drinking Coke and not eating; something about being in training. I thought it was time he got my views on diet and this doesn't involve eating less of everything. In fact doctors and nutritionists recommend you eat much more fibre. Fibre makes you shit. There's a lot of fibre in real ale. That's why it makes you shit so much. Curry contains fibre too. Combine a night of beer drinking with a curry and you'd probably be crapping all day. That's because of the special combination of fibre. Zippy wasn't convinced that Friday and Saturday on this would enable him to win the Axe Valley Grizzly race. He said he would get fat. Bollocks, I say. Fat makes you fat (obvious really, it would be a stupid name for the stuff if it makes you thin). Fat is loaded with calories and is linked with heart disease. Happily, beer contains absolutley no fat whatsoever. Drink as much beer as you want and you won't consume any fat. Rover said he was going to give this a try and got stuck into a lot of Bass. Endo thought there was a competition and joined in. Remember fellas, if you drink beer the bottom falls out of your world. If you drink Bass the world falls out of your bottom. Apart frcm Algy getting in the way and tripping everyone up, the main event of the night was the poll taken whether the subs should go up frcm 60p to £1 per week. Now I know the committee is all female, God bless them, and they do go about things in a different way, but I object to democracy on the hash, it smacks of pinko tendencies, proportional representation and Tamar Valley H3. In fact I'm not sure we need a committee at all and we should reduce subs. Four of us voted against any increase; it would have been five but IAT was having a shower. He's now leading a can't pay won't pay campaign, supported by those other stalwarts Cream Soda and Rover. Wild Bill and Skippy had their heads together. She told me later that she'd always thought he was a gentleman but he'd told her the one about the three hashers: There was an Englishman, a Scotsman, and a Japanese, out hashing in the wilds of Kalimantan, when they came across a lost tribe (the hashers themselves were lost, could this be Plympton H3?). The headman came up to them and said that, unless they could prove they had twelve inches between them, they would be boiled and eaten. The hashers were taken back to the tribal village and told to drop their hash shorts. A few minutes later, after having been examined, they were back on the path, running as fast as they could away from the village. "It's a good job I had six inches", said the Englishman. "And it's a good job I had four inches", said the Scotsman. "Yeah, and it's a bruddy good job I had an erection", said the Jap! MUSTELA PUTORIOUS FLATUS STOP PRESS: ZIPPY 4th IN GRIZZLY, OTHERS STILL FINISHING- NEVER AGAIN. LIMPALONG WAS RIGHT!
|
