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HASH MAG ARCHIVE 1993: RUN
NO.492
Run Date: 22 March 1993
Gatecrashing Yokelbonker's Farewell Party
A large pack of hash
hounds met by the moorgate at Davey's Cross, Ivybridge, to sample
Yokelbonker's final trail for Drake H3 before he is transferred
to Portsmouth.
He says that he will particularly miss Dartmoor - where else
would the warders let him
out on Monday nights?
The trail
took the hounds around a disused quarry before heading out onto
the lower
slopes of Western Beacon. An intricate series of loops successfully
kept the hash together, until F. Ferret decided that ten minutes
continuous running was more than enough for anybody and disappeared
in the direction of the cars. Later in the pub he tried to persuade
sceptical listeners that he had been following sawdust all the
way, and had finished up on top of the Beacon. His manner was
so plausible that he nearly ended up convincing himself.
The remainder of the hash followed the sawdust
in the direction of Harford moor before
returning on a disused railway track, known locally as the 'Puffing
Billy' - presumably
in honour of Cream Soda. Begorrah relates that when he found
himself bringing up the rear on the track he experienced one
of those magical moments when the wind ceases and a mystical
stillness descends. Such moments seem strangely significant,
as if you listen closely you may hear the music of the spheres,
the voice of creation.Unforunately "Bloody Road Run"
was all Begorrah heard, as it drifted across the valley.
From the track the trail led uphill to the top
of Western Beacon. It was here that several
hashers were amazed to encounter a Landrover lurching towards
them out of the darkness. Judging by the angle at which it was
leaning and its erratic progress, the vehicle could only be driven
by a lunatic joyrider with a deathwish on a one way trip to oblivion,
or a hasher. As the driver turned out to be Mimi it is difficult
to know which description is the most appropriate.
The explanation as to how a Landrover got to
be on top of a Dartmoor tor in the dark
would seem to present a puzzle worthy of the reasoning powers
of Sherlock Holmes. It is a fair bet on this occasion Holmes
would be stumped for an explanation, because
Mimi and IAT were involved, therefore reason would certainly
have no bearing in the matter. Both Mimi, as driver, and IAT,
as navigator, have their own distinct versions of the events
that caused them to be where they were, and both versions
have been published to help the reader reach his or her own conclusions:
MIMI: It was
IAT's fault, he told me to go up the wrong lane.
IAT: It was Mimi's fault, he was late so there
was no time to check out the start.
MIMI: When we realised we were at the wrong place
IAT suggested a long detour by road which meant we would miss
most of the hash. The sensible thing to do was to take a short
cut across the moor.
IAT: When we realised we were at the wrong place
I suggested a short detour by road which meant we would not miss
most of the hash. It would be crazy to cut across the moor.
MIMI: I drove carefully over the moor, and luckily
I've got extensive off road experience, so I could safely negotiate
the rough terrain.
IAT: He drove like a lunatic over the moor, nearly
turning the Landrover over.
MIMI: By systematically searching the hillside
I discovered the hash.
lAT: He drove around blindly, eventually blundering
across the hash by luck.
MIMI: I made a carefully controlled descent to
the start where the hare was waiting to open the gate.
IAT: He careered down the hillside, and the hare
only just opened the gate before we
crashed through it!
(The above reads something like the libretto
of a Gilbert & Sullivan operetta, perhaps someone could set
it to music! On second thoughts.......).
At the start of his little escapade Mimi had
gotten out of the Landrover and ran off down the hillside looking
for the hash. Instead of making contact with the runners he made
contact with a large and particularly ferocious rock, hurting
his leg in the process. As a result, he could only use one foot
to work the Landrover's foot pedals. This made quite an impression
on IAT - anyway, white hair quite suits him.
Muscles, Dishy & Yakkidah told of how they
were offered a lift in the Landrover. As soon as they tried to
get in it drove off in the wrong direction, with Mimi and lAT
shouting "On On" at the top of their voices. The harriettes
should have known better - didn't their mothers tell then about
not accepting lifts from strange men? (And you couldn't get much
stranger than those two).
After the excitement had died down Cream Soda
found himself alone on Western Beacon where he trail was proving
elusive. Suddenly the peace was shattered by what sounded like
a Jumbo jet taking off directly below. It tumed out to be HT2
calling on, how come someone so small can make so much noise?
With practice, perhaps?
Back at the cars two locals in a pickup truck
were seen talking to Endosperm. They told him that a thirteen
stone Rottweiler had recently escaped from a nearby house and
was thought to be on the loose up on the moor, where the Police
were out looking for it.
Apparently they had heard that the hash was in the area and were
concerned for the
Rottweiler's safety.
The on down was at the Anchor Inn, Ugborough.
The hash was moved from the public bar when the musicians playing
there complained that Deadly was drowning out their amplification.
Deadly and Rover insisted that they were the only people to do
the whole trail so keeping to the story they had concocted between
them on the telephone the previous night.
Slo-Jo revealed that her dog Algie had recently
chewed her arm off. Luckily the rest of
the chair was undamaged. Zippy was seen toasting his success
(2nd place) in the Bodmin Five Tors race, with Paul enthusiastically
helping him. It seems that Paul is to be given the hash name
'First & Last', but on the available evidence perhaps 'Thirstyglass'
would be more fitting.
The society wedding of the year between Bart
& Katmandu took place the previous Saturday. Look out for
the photographs in 'The Tatler', 'Devon Life' & 'The Donkey
Breeder's Gazette'. The newlyweds would like to thank everyone
in the hash for the present and card.They are sure the Morris
Minor starting handle and the nosehair clippers will come in
very handy, and the plastic gnome has pride of place on the mantelpiece.
Someone else's mantelpiece.
Yokelbonker
was suitably surprised when a large cake baked in his honour
was brought out. This was a 'Thank You' for all the trails he
has laid for Drake and to wish him good luck in Portsmouth. It
was plain to see that Yokelbonker was touched - well you have
to be a bit touched to be a hasher, don't you? As he cut the
cake he found it hard to hold back the tears, then someone told
him that he didn't have to pay for it and he immediately cheered
up. Good luck Yokelbonker, hope to see you again soon!
Stop Press
Police are looking for two joyriders after a thirteen stone Rottweiler
was run over and
flattened on Western Beacon on Monday night. Landrover tracks
were found leading away from the scene of the accident. The joyriders
are believed to be in their early seventies and bear a striking
resemblance to Laurel & Hardy.
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