HASH MAG ARCHIVE 1992: RUN NO.442

Run Date: 13 April 1992

Cursing The Tolchmoor Gate Curse
"Them that runs on the thirteenth date,
Should never start from Tolchmoor Gate,
Or the evil curse will them condemn,
Both the women and the men"

The Lee Moor witch 'Old Mother Slagheaps' words of wisdom are well known, but despite this there was a good turn out of Drake hashers to defy the curse ("Curse, what curse?"). Deadly was making a reappearance after suffering an overuse injury. Other runners get this in their legs - Deadly had it in his jaw. Wimpers was making a welcome return, because, or in spite of Slo-Jo's ministrations to his bad back.

The On led us down to a flooded china clay pit where the Tolchmoor Gate curse made itself felt for the first time, as Mimi high-dived off a twenty five foot drop like a bunjiless bunji jumper. Amazingly he landed in something approximating one piece, only to find himself sinking into a mire of china clay slurry. This provided the hash with a good deal of innocent entertainment: Mudflaps said that it had been worth turning up for this sight alone. Endosperm later reassured Mimi that if he had not survived, at least he could die happy knowing he had given us all a good laugh. Maximouth also fell victim to the curse, but, unfortunately, only landed up to his waist in the slime.

A deep gully was the next obstacle to be negotiated, and as Anonymouse & Snakehips sped towards it, it apperared that they may be going to 'do a Mimi'. However, they were both disqualified with two no jumps and a refusal. They got off lightly, for the curse claimed Handlebars causing him to fall on a rock and roll, which then made him twist his ankle (so enabling him to enjoy rock & roll and the twist all in one sentence). Later his ankle swelled to the size of a pigeon's egg. Coo!

Turning away from the china clay workings we laboured up through Torycombe Wood. Limpalong was was running along minding his own business when a tree jumped out and attacked him, leaving him with a wound to his lip which resembled smudged lipstick (this would get him some very funny looks back in the pub). At times like these poetry can offer reassurance:

'I think that I shall never see,
A poem as lovely as a tree,
I could even get to like a bush,
That doesn't wack me in the mush!'

As the body count mounted, the curse made itself felt in more subtle ways by confusing the hares' (F Ferret & Zippy) already weak sense of direction. Every time they called On down the trail went up and vice versa. As usual, it was best to listen carefully to the hares' advice - then ignore it. HT2 insists that Bart was also affected because he happily led a small band of hashers on a wild goose chase on an old Plympton H3 trail. And they didn't even catch the wild goose.

Back out on the open moor confusion reigned with hashers scattered all over the hillside. The curse's influence was so powerful that on several occasions IAT was in the lead, which, of course, made a bad situation even worse. When F Ferret was asked how he managed to lay a trail with so many loops in it his reply was a masterpiece of Zen philosophy: "If you want to lay a loopy trail all you have to do is become loopy yourself , then lay it naturally". No wonder he's so successful! Heinz seemed to be having no problem in finding the correct trail. He put this down to having the right trainer..............and the left one as well. After a detour around some disused china clay tips, the hash reassembled at Broomage Farm then there was a jolly jog back to the cars. Nice run, shame about the curse.

Some hashers thought that they were now safe but the curse was not yet finished: Benji's Mum managed to lock herself out of her car. Luckily someone found a key which fitted the lock and opened her car door (it was a good job they had that tin of Spam with them). As we drove away from Tolchmoor Gate the evil oppressive atmosphere of the place seemed to lift. Have you ever noticed in horror movies they always have a quiet bit when the tension is released so that the next shock, when it inevitably comes, is all the greater? At the White Thorn at Shaugh Prior we entered a haven of calm, all seemed well, or was it.....?

Without warning came the biggest shock of the night: HASH SUBS UP TEN PENCE!!!!! To add insult to injury, it was revealed that there would be no run the following week. The hash 'Old Guard' went into a huddle muttering darkly, words like 'disgraceful' and 'unprecedented' were heard, followed by someone asking what they meant. Cream Soda, showing the sort of commitment that had made him Grand Master, declared that frankly he didn't give a s*** if there was a run or not. It's good to know that the GM can be guaranteed to live down to the standards set by his predecessors. All was soon well, however, as HT2 took charge of the situation. She waved her magic wand and said the magic words "Izzy wizzy let's get bizzy" and Hey Presto!, where there were previously no runs two runs appeared out of thin air; a first eleven 'Elite' run on Monday and a second eleven 'Dregs' run on Tuesday. Was there applause for this remarkable conjuring trick? Not a lot!

Begorrah surprised everyone by saying he had been waiting for 'it' all year. It was assumed that he was hoping the blonde young lady in the miniskirt would take pity and help him out, but instead he was referring to the Jan Kjellstrom orienteering event (anyway, he has to wait every two years for the other!). Squeaker explained that she was feeling tired after spending all week wallpapering her toilet. It now looks a lot better, but she wonders whether it was a mistake not to leave a hole when wallpapering the seat. Pete, our newest member, was surprised when Muscles greeted him as Bill. What she really meant was Wild Bill, which is an appropriate name because he was 'Born To Be Wild' and likes to ride a Hog out in the country - but we won't go into that. F Ferret revealed that the only time he will be the last to leave the pub will be the day that Zippy refuses to drink a pint that had been bought for him. So it looks like he will be continuing to leave early for the foreseeable future....

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