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 HASH MAG ARCHIVE 1991: RUN NO.382 Run Date: 4 March 1991 Hang Her Up Hanger Down Hanger Down was the setting for Drake's latest moonlight rendezvous. It seems that finding the location of a run is getting easier - just look for the traffic jam. Following complaints about previous dry runs, this hare obviously wanted to be thought of as completely wet, as he had even arranged for a watersplash in the first fifty yards of the run. Everyone took to this like ducks to water, or Drakes to a lake (maybe this was why the hash logo was changed). Up on Hanger Down the trail initially proved elusive, with hashers dispersed in all directions. With their light bulbs glowing above their heads it looked as if everyone was simultaneously having a good idea, but as this was Drake H3 there was no likelihood of that. It was the gruesome twosome, Deadly and F Ferret who discovered the trail. It's obvious when they're on - it's the only time they're quiet! When two of Drake's newer members, Chris and Nigel, quickly caught up, Deadly and Ferret decided to show them a clean pair of heels. After all, if you can't outrun them at least you can stop and show them that you've washed your feet. For once Hanger Down clump was avoided, as the trail headed back down towards the woods, where the stillness of the night was shattered by an eerie whining noise. No, it wasn't Deadly this time, but HT2 trying out her new 'hi-tech' hash horn (as the first female hash horn shouldn't she be a hornet?). This device (the horn, not HT2), can reproduce the sirens of police cars, ambulances, fire engines etc. This could lead to confusion, so if you find yourself following a flashing light and siren down the road at high speed you know you're 'On' - it'll be HT2 with her siren and flashing bow tie. We were then gored by gorse and got bogged down in bogs, before heading for the woods. F Ferret tried to second guess the hare and headed off in the wrong direction. He was not seen again for a very, very long time. No-one appeared to be worried, however, as ferrets often get lost chasing hares. Cream Soda, Drake H3's answer to David Attenborough, had got a way into the woods before realising that the calls he had been following were being made by an owl. He then had to find the best way to get down from the tree (of course, you don't get down from a tree - you get down from a duck). After providing the hounds with a few nasty shocks, it was the turn of the hare, Yokelbonker, to get his own shock, when HT2 asked him if he was enjoying being Grand Master (so few committee members had turned up recently that some people thought GM stood for 'Gone Missing'). Yokelbonker said nothing for quite a while, then asked "Am I GM?!!!". It would seem that being GM is like having B.O. - even your best friends won't tell you. The evening's entertainment reached a high point with a bit of impromptu slurry surfing. This was a gentle introduction to Helen and Sarah to the more esoteric delights of hashing. They must have looked sorry for themselves as Slo-Jo opened a gate for them - an unprecedented honour. Finally the road was reached and after deciphering a cryptic arrow there was a stamped to the cars. No-one said it was a good hash - the hare would have heard - but it was. The On Down was at the Cornwood Inn where Saddam Hussein appeared to be serving behind the bar. This is his real job, he moonlights as a tyrant and despot in his spare time. Someone commented that the hash now appears to consist of landrover club or golf club members, but at least they have one thing in common: they both abuse their drivers! Mimi appears to be suffering from post-GM withdrawal symptoms. Could it be that he is looking for a post on the committee? Deputy Hash Hound has been suggested. Deadly announced that Maximouse is now British Night Orienteering champion. So now you know who to follow in future, but please remember - the Simpsons don't come if it's raining. Rover, back from who knows where, was collecting hash mags and claiming the title of hash archivist. It was mentioned that hash archaic was more appropriate. Hotfingers says that she is being bothered by nuisance telephone calls. Apparently IAT rings her every night for information about Yokelbonker. Don't ask why, just thank your lucky stars it's not you he's phoning - you can't get more of a nuisance call than having IAT ring you, whatever the subject! Endosperm managed to put his foot in it by mentioning to HT2 and Deadly that there was only one beautiful woman at Deadly's wedding. Bart and Ducky were much in evidence and taking their committee duties very seriously - unfortunately no-one else did. Mimi says that Wendy has come up with a hash name for Bart's pal, Neil - Rhino. Rhino Neil. It's time that Mike had a hash name and I suggest he should be called Bejabbers. After all, his wife is known as Yakky-dah, so he must be Be-jabbers. Yakkydah and Bejabbers what a combination! After the Ovalteenies had left a few diehards made the climb up to the Mountain Inn at Lutton, where we found the hash archaic ensconced at the bar. He appeared to be drinking from a length of steel tube, possibly an oil pipe. Maybe this is why he calls himself an oilman! Handy Gardening Hints No.147: Get rid of your mower and sprinkle whisky on your lawn - that way the grass comes up half cut.
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