The well known tale about prunes.

It started off as a normal day for John McSkin, he opened his mail to find that he had passed the Readers Digest prize draw- First Round- and that he owed British Gas three hundred and forty one pounds.
Just as he was heading off to work on his antelope he saw something in the sky. Was it a bird? Was it a plane? No, it was an alien spacecraft.
"Oh for all the days for this to happen" said john.
He tied his antelope to the nearest elephant and went to find his bestest mate Duff McHotel, who lived in a hotel. When he found Duff he said "Look over yonder and spy the unknown craft." " I canna see nowt" replied Duff (he was from a foreign land- Scotland i think).
"Look over yonder, past the bike sheds and past the moons eighth crater."
"Och yes i see it noo" said Duff
Before anyone could say anything else the spaceship had landed on the table-tennis pitch, near the volcano.
Soon, big aliens, who all had big fringes and sidies were getting out of the spaceship and shouting:
"AXTAR, AXTAR, SENURP, SENURP, SENURP"
Nobody could understand them until they realised the aliens were talking backwards and were actually saying;
"Give us prunes now earthlings or we will find someone and shout abuse at him, loudly."
People ran for their lives, there was mass hysteria, until the army came and attacked the fearsome beasts.
Then the aliens started to shout;
"ZANB, ZANB, CALF, HUNG, BUT."
Which, if read backwards means;
"we come in peace all we want is some prunes."
But as everyone had to pay tuiton fees, no-one could understand this and kept on throwing bullets, grenades and tanks at the aliens.
Then, John McSkin said
"Duff, you are Scottish, or are you Jamacian, i can never remember, anyway, you have prunes dont you?"
"Och aye the noo"
replied duff.
So John ran around to Duff's hotel room and got some prunes.
He chucked the prunes at the aliens and they soon ate them and and flew off.
Soon John McSkin was a hero (everywhere but the Isle of Man). When being interviewed on TV he was asked;
"How did you know the aliens wanted prunes?"
"well"
relied John,
"If you read the Mail on Sunday, you will find that it is only 90p and is of great value."
Okay, so no-one ever found out why he knew about the prunes, perhaps it was to do with the fact that his Uncle was Welsh, or Columbian, - i always get those two mixed up.
But in the end John got 1 million pounds STERLING from the Mail on Sunday and could pay his gas bill, although he never did win the readers digest prize draw- i think he won a pen or something.
As for Duff he went home to Italy, or was it Glasgow to eat prunes and porridge, or was it pasta. Anyway, he went home.