Bob Downe Affair

challenge requirements:
Location: A court room, 1995
People: DAAS
Words to use: bugger, drunk, mills&boon, talcum powder, mirror, apple, prawn
Things to say: "Amanda Vanstone was my dominatrix", "I was a teenage porn star", "I didn't do it!"

It was a warm spring day, September 30, 1995 and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. Paul, Tim and Richard were sitting impatiently in the court room awaiting the arrival of their lawyer who went by the name of Bob… People called him Psycho Bob for some unknown reason… he wasn't the most popular of lawyers but charged fantastically.

The court room began to fill with murmurs and Judge Flacco looked as though he was becoming more and more impatient.

"Are you sure he's going to turn up" the judge said to the boys and Paul, the smallest of the 3, was about to speak but was interrupted by the opening of the doors. In walked Bob. hair dishevelled and papers sticking out of his suit case.

"Sorry I'm late… got caught up in a Mills & Boon novel" He said with a nervous laugh.

"Right… Case for Bob Downe Verses the Doug Anthony All-stars is now in session"

A few formality things happened and Richard was called onto stage, sworn in and an evil looking Lawyer representing Bob approached him.

"Mr. Fidler… What were you doing on the night of April 1st 1995?"

"Well it was so long ago I can't remember exactly… I was in my room whilst mummy and daddy were playing cow boy… Mummy was the horse… Daddy was a little bit drunk… He came into my room and told me I was a naughty boy for shitting in my nappy and started to put talcum powder on my butt… Sorry… where was I… I was at home" he said nervously…

"So how come 'THIS' Photo of you with the defendant was sent in anonymously to us… dated… April 1st, 1995?"

There was a gasp in the audience and Rich brought his hands to his mouth.

"Oh god… OK I WAS WITH BOB! But I didn't do anything to him he didn't want me to do! He was kind to me… told me he loved me… oh god!" He wailed as tears began to streak his face… Psycho Bob decided it best not to cross examine the witness so Richard returned to his seat.

"I call to the stand… Paul McDermott"

Paul stood and took his seat… was sworn in and the questioning began.

"Mr McDermott…"

"I WAS WITH HIM! HE SUPERGLUED A PRAWN IN MY ANUS AND TOLD ME ONLY HE HAD THE REMOVER FOR IT AND WOULDN'T TAKE IT OUT IF I DIDN'T KEEP QUIET ABOUT THE FACT THAT HE HAS A REALLY SMALL PENIS!!! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO HIM! HE'S LYING! LYING LYING LYING LYING LYING!!! HE HATES ME AND I KNOW WHY!!!! HE WAS JEALOUS OF ME BECAUSE AMANDA VANSTONE WAS MY DOMINATRIX! I DIDN'T DO IT! I DIDN'T I DIDN'T I DIDN'T!"

"Please… settle down Mr. McDermott… Mr. Trevorrow… do you have any further questions?"

"No your honor…" He said and returned to his seat.

"Psycho Bob?"

"Yes your honor… Mr. McDermott… Is the prawn still lodged in your anus?"

Paul nodded and whimpered quietly.

"If it pleases the court… would you please drop your pants and show us? Your honor?"

"Drop your pants Mr. McDermott" The judge said and Paul stood, undid his belt, Turned around and bent over to reveal a king prawn head poking out of his rear end.

"Mr. McDermott… Can you see the prawn when you look in this mirror?"

Paul Nodded and the crown gasped. There was silence as everyone stared in shock at Paul's rear end.

"No further questions your honor."

And Paul took his seat again after readjusting his clothing.

"Mr Trevorrow?"

"I'd like to call tot he stand… Mr Timothy Ferguson" He said and Tim strutted to the stand with all the confidence in the world.

"So… Mr. Ferguson… What were you doing on the eve of April 1st?"

"Well I… I was with Bob… He… oh god he did terrible things to me. Threatened to tell everyone that I was a …. A teenage porn star! I'm so ashamed of myself… I needed the money for college… He made me bend over and he… he didn't stick a prawn up my butt… he stuck something worse up there!"

"What did he do?" Mark said… the tone in his voice was more shock than anything… here he was defending someone as perverted as Bob Downe and he didn't believe that these guys were guilty!

"He shoved an…. An APPLE! A large… round… granny smith apple… Oh god it hurts!"

There was another gasp from the audience and Mark stated that he had no further questions as did Psycho Bob… The jury went out… and 10 minutes later they returned with their verdict.

"All Rise" The judge said and all did so

"Has the jury reached its verdict" He asked and a small woman with short hair nodded and handed him a piece of paper.

"Bob Downe Verses the Doug Anthony Allstars… I declare the Allstars… Not guilty!" He said and the 3 boys cheered happily. The only word that left Bob Downe's lips left at that moment.

"BUGGER!"

And so…. Later on that year a court case was conducted and Bob Downe was convicted of emotional distress and inappropriate use of apples and prawns. The boys went on with their lives… and all was well.

The End