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The Usual Disclaimers Apply: I own not FK, nor do I own Star Trek, to
which
I make a passing reference (better passing reference than passing gas!!),
Pink Cadillac is by Bruce Springsteen, I didn't think of the song in
connection with FK until a discussion on FORKNI-L.
Archive: fkfanfic, ftp, lisa, saundra, anyone who sends me the (C)addy
so I
can gloat!!
Explanations: 1) Oh, and I really do love that car!! 2) Yes, I
do mean New
Zealand. Maybe he can pose for a T-shirt. <ggg>
Nick Knight was never going to drive again. He was also moving
to New
Zealand, joining the Enforcers, and never, EVER having anything to
do with
mortal law enforcement or his vampire family. He was, in short,
embarrassed.
In all fairness, it should have been Lacroix who was embarrassed, since
he
*had* been the one to get drunk on some odd, diluted mixture of curare,
vodka, and blood. He *had* been the one to search the Internet
for lyrics
and karaoke-type music for a song he had once heard of. He had,
to be
exact, recorded a rather disturbed version of 'Pink Cadillac.'
At exactly 4:43 A.M. on a Tuesday, Detective Knight received an odd
and
slightly slurred answering machine message. It sounded like this....
~~~~~~~
You may think I'm fooling for the foolish things I do
You may wonder how come I love you,
When you get on my nerves like you do
Well baby, you know you bug me, there ain't no secret about that
Well come on over here and hug me, and baby, I'll spill the facts
Well, honey it ain't your money, cause baby I got plenty of that
~~
<Lacroix:> Nick, you're a real pain sometimes, you know that?
But that's
OK, 'cause you're my son, and I love you anyway, you hear? I
don't need you
for anything, but it's just cooler than a beer fridge to have you around!
~~~~~~~
Nick quickly deleted the message.
Natalie Lambert, Medical Examiner extraordinaire, went to work on Wednesday
with woe. Her cat Sidney had coughed a hairball onto her shoe
and... um...
left fecal matter on her carpet. The package on her desk when
she arrived
in her office, however, cheered her up. Natalie never got mail,
except at
Christmas and her birthday when her family sent her odd gifts... bland
pictures and the like, which she used to decorate Sidney's room (hey,
she's
a very lonely woman).
Anyway, moving away from Natalie's pitiful life, she was thrilled to
see
that the package envelope carried an audiocassette. Popping the
mystery
tape into her handy-dandy headphone tape player, she was greeted by
the
sound of a very drunk Lacroix singing 'Pink Cadillac.' With editorials.
After work, Natalie took the tape home and made her own version, dubbed
over
it.
On Thursday morning, Nick received a videotape of a Lacroixian 'music
video.' He shuddered and buried it behind the fireplace with
the protein
shakes. (Natalie had often commented on the stench in Nick's
unliving room.
Fortunately for Our Main Character, she never figured it out....)
Thursday evening at work, Schanke found an audiotape on his desk.
Popping
it into his cheap version of a jogging tape player (for use while jogging,
not a tape player that jogs) given to him by Myra in hopes of inspiring
him
to exercise, he heard the Nightcrawler's voice mixed with Dr. Lambert's.
"Man, oh, man!" he said loudly, "I have *got* to add to this!"
Friday night, as the Raven opened, Janette DuCharme received an audio
(well,
it should now be considered odd-io) cassette. The sound of the
song as sung
and interpreted by the people on the tape was nothing short of frightening.
Thank goodness (or prank-ness) Janette was a sturdy sort, otherwise
she
would have collapsed... whether from shock or laughter is anyone's
guess.
She just *had* to add to it!
On Saturday night, Nick strolled out of the Loft and glanced at his
beloved
algae-green Caddy. *Former* algae-green Caddy. It was now
a truly horrible
dark pink, courtesy of one of the day-shift detectives. There
was a tape on
the driver's seat labeled "The Guess Who Four" and exuding peculiarity.
Nick shuddered, placed it with some trepidation (actually, he was terrified
out of his stocking cap) into his stereo system.
Really, the barbershop quartet sound wasn't all that bad. He had
to admit,
their voices blended very well on the lyrics. The running commentary
bothered him, though. It's just a horrible thing to do to someone.
~~~~~~~
You may think I'm fooling for the foolish things I do
You may wonder how come I love you,
When you get on my nerves like you do
Well baby, you know you bug me, there ain't no secret about that
Well come on over here and hug me, and baby, I'll spill the facts
Well, honey it ain't your money, cause baby I got plenty of that
~~
<Lacroix:> Nick, you're a real pain sometimes, you know that?
But that's
OK, 'cause you're my son, and I love you anyway, you hear? I
don't need you
for anything, but it's just cooler than a beer fridge to have you around.
~~
I love you for your pink Cadillac
Crushed velvet seats
Riding in the back, oozing down the street
Waving to the girls, feeling out of sight
Spending all my money on a Saturday night
Honey, I just wonder what you do there in the back
Of your pink Cadillac, pink Cadillac
~~
<Natalie:> Nick, I'm tired of you chasing every available creature
of the
female persuasion! You're no Captain Kirk... but you do have
a cool car!
~~
Well now way back in the Bible, temptations always come along
There's always somebody tempting somebody
Into doing something they know is wrong
Well they tempt you man with silver, and they tempt you sir with gold
And they tempt you with the pleasures that the flesh does surely hold
They say Eve tempted Adam with an apple, man I ain't going for that
~~
<Schanke:> Nicky-boy, ol' partner, you are seriously addicted.
I mean, you
are hooked on those girls! It seems that you're in love with
that Janette
babe over at the Raven, 'cause you're always going there, but you seem
to
like Natalie, too! You can't have 'em both, buddy, and you sure
as heck act
guilty over it, but I have some partnerly advice for you: take a four-month
break from the women, man! Oh, and get rid of those bottles in
your fridge,
all right?
~~
I know it was her pink Cadillac
Crushed velvet seats
Riding in the back, oozing down the street
Waving to the girls, feeling out of sight
Spending all my money on a Saturday night
Honey, I just wonder what you do there in the back
Of your pink Cadillac
~~
<Janette:> Nicolas, I agree with your parrrtner. Chose one
or none, but
please stop running around on all the girls!!
~~
Now some folks say it's too big and uses too much gas
Some folks say it's too old and that it goes too fast
~~
<Schanke:> Nick, your car is scary. Man, you should get a new
boat...
something with class and better gas mileage. You know, a mid-life
crisis
car! Oh, and take some driving classes or something, okay?
~~
But my love is bigger than a Honda, it's bigger than a BMW
Hey man there's only one thing and one car that will do
~~
<Natalie:> Nick, I really do love you. I love you so much that
if you want
to go back to Janette, that's all right by me. But please, please,
do
something else with that car!! That schooner is starting to get
on my
nerves....
~~
Anyway we don't have to drive it honey, we can park it out in back
~~
<Janette:> Nicolas, I miss you! Come see me soon, okay, mon cher?
~~
And have a party in your pink Cadillac
~~
<Lacroix:> Oh, yeah, Nicholas, you're invited to my Saturnalia party
next
week. Please come! I'd be *delighted* to have you over!!
~~~~~~~
Kathy Walsh of the Myriad Factions
Adulation or threats to paint *me* dark pink at
pocket_protector@hotmail.com
--I've never met a vampire I didn't like.
<>You've never met a vampire, Kathy!
--That's what *you* think.
