Disclaimer:  The Forever Knight characters belong to TPTB, I'm just
borrowing them for a bit.  Permission to post at the FK Fanfic site and ftp site;
anyone else, please ask.

This story is the continuation of my stories "I Will Remember You" and "I'll
Remember".  It takes place after the second season, but before the third.  I've
wanted to use the song "Angel" by Sarah MacLachlan for awhile now, and I've
finally gotten my chance.  Lyrics are indicated by *** around them.  BTW, I
don't own the rights to the lyrics either.

Thanks to Anez, LizM, and Tamara for beta reading this for me.  Feedback,
requests for story parts, are welcome, and can be sent to
<lmharvey@hotmail.com>.  In memory of Scott, who would have been 21 this
past Tuesday.

This is for Liz, it's her birthday May 9, and I just wanted to give her something
she'd enjoy.  <g>

Remembrance
Lisa Harvey
c. 1999

***
Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always one reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
***

The homeless shelter was crowded tonight; Nick had seen to that.  It was so
cold that he couldn't stand the thought of anyone sleeping outside.  On his way
to his shift at the shelter, he'd stopped at the places where he knew the regulars
from the shelter stayed and convinced them to come in for the night.  During
his shift, he had kept busy by seeing to the needs of the shelter's temporary
residents.  But his shift was over now, and as he left the shelter he was once
again alone, with only his thoughts to keep him company.

As he walked through the streets, he thought of the elderly man he'd been too
late to save when he'd first arrived here.  It was what made him decide to
volunteer at the shelter.  After all, he had more than enough money, and there
was no guarantee that he was going to be here long enough to pick a
profession.

Nick's thoughts turned back to the night when he'd found the body.  After
finding the body, he'd wandered into a small church.  He'd sat in a back pew,
brooding about the turns his life had taken, when a elderly priest sat down next
to him and asked him what was troubling him.  Nick told him of finding the
homeless man in the park, and eventually, of his quest for 'redemption'.  

He had been careful to speak only in generalities...that he was a sinner who had
done unspeakable things...past redemption...past hope, but he wanted
absolution more than anything.  The priest simply told him that if he wished for
absolution, and was truly sorry for his sins, that the Lord would give it freely. 
After much consideration of the priest's words, Nick prayed for the first time in
centuries.  The next part of the penance that was given to him was much
simpler -- he found a homeless shelter to which he volunteered his free time.

***
So tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
***

It had been several months since Lacroix had shown up on Nick's doorstep
unannounced.  It had been too much to hope for that his master would stay
away and let him live his life in peace, even for a short while.  It wasn't too
long before Lacroix suggested that they move to a bigger city.  He knew that
the small, sleepy town he had chosen to relocate to was not a good place for
the ancient vampire.  And once he realized that he wasn't going to get rid of his
master easily, Nick agreed to move on readily.  

They had visited several cities until Nick had finally gotten disgusted with
traveling and suggested Manhattan.  Having only been here a few weeks, they
were still staying in a hotel.  Nick hardly noticed; he missed Natalie so much
that he ached.  He realized how foolish he'd been to leave Toronto.  But he'd
been so tempted to give into her request to bring her across.  Thinking about it
now, he wondered if he'd been wrong to deny her.

They would have more time and could be together, but would it be worth the
price?  He was afraid of what coming across would do to her.  He wouldn't be
able bear it if it she were to change...he couldn't be responsible for that.  He
decided to take a long walk before returning back to the hotel; he needed to be
alone right now.

++++++++++++++++++++

Lacroix settled back into the large easy chair he'd set by the window, and
raised the crystal goblet to his lips.  It was a beautiful evening, even if it was a
bit cold outside...but the cold did not bother his kind.  He could sense Nicholas'
distress; after all these months, his son still lamented over his 'lost' love. 
Lacroix smiled his Cheshire cat grin -- if only Nicholas knew how lost she was.

Nicholas would find out soon enough, for Lacroix sensed Janette was nearby. 
And where his daughter was, the good doctor wasn't very far away.  It was
about time they had caught up; they'd been following the two men all over
Europe.  Lacroix decided to keep himself closed off from his daughter for the
time being.  The time to reveal himself would come soon enough.  

He could not believe that after all these years, his resourceful daughter had
never found out what had gone on in the garden of Brabant castle almost 800
years ago.  He had refused to talk about it, of course, but that Nicholas had
kept it from Janette this whole time was surprising.  His son had never wasted
an opportunity to elicit sympathy from his lover before.  Lacroix sighed as he
refilled his glass; it would all come out soon enough anyway.

He thought back to Valentine's Day.  After the scene that had played out in
Azure, he had gone for a long walk, but had found himself at the Raven
afterwards.  He was feeling somewhat self-satisfied and Janette had
approached him at the bar...

*****

Janette approached Lacroix at the bar and set a glass filled with the house
special in front of her master.  She graced him with a seductive smile and
purred, "Bon soir, Lacroix.  Come to enjoy this evening's festivities?  I didn't
think Valentine's Day was a favored holiday of yours."

Lacroix smiled back; Janette was right, but she had no idea what had put him
in such a strange mood this evening.  On the one hand, Nicholas' performance
was fairly convincing...but his son had forgotten that it was impossible to hide
his feelings from his master.  "You are right, Janette; I don't particularly care
for Valentine's Day.  However, I wanted to spend some time with my one
obedient child."

"Angry at Nicolas, are you?  Did you two have another argument?"  Janette
was used to this little game of theirs; she sipped at her drink as she waited for
Lacroix's reply.

"Nicholas thinks that he can get the better of me."  Lacroix grinned wickedly as
he continued, "But he keeps forgetting that he never could hide anything from
me.  I will have my retribution, even if the fool doesn't realize it.  And the
beauty of it is, I'll still be able to claim it someday."  He relished in it for
another minute, but then grew somber as he remembered his lost love.  

Janette knew better than to question her master.  If he'd wanted her to know
the details, he would have given them to her voluntarily.  But she was
puzzled--his good mood had disappeared as suddenly as it had come.  He
stood up abruptly and said, "I must go, my dear.  I have a show to do."  He
was gone before Janette could say a word.

*****

A knock at the door shook Lacroix out of his memories, and reluctantly, he
rose to open it.

++++++++++++++++++++

Nick had been wandering around the downtown area aimlessly, until he found
himself near NYU.  He decided to cut through Washington Square Park,
because he'd always loved the atmosphere of it.  He walked slowly, taking in
the sights and smells of the city.  He was about halfway through the park when
he heard a woman's cries in the distance.  He sprinted off in the direction of the
sound.

He got there in time to see a dark figure rip a man off of a woman, who was
lying on the ground.  The dark figure was a woman--another vampire.  She
threw the attacker to the ground and was about to go after him, when Nick laid
a hand on her arm.  She turned, snarling.  It was Natalie.

********************

Lacroix sensed his daughter behind the door as he approached it.  He sensed
that she wasn't happy, but then, he didn't expect her to be in a good mood. 
He'd led them halfway around the world and back again, just to be annoying. 
He opened the door and smiled at her as if the last few months had never
happened.  "Why, Janette, what a surprise!"  He motioned her into the room.

Janette removed her coat with a flourish as she walked deeper into the room. 
"You are rarely surprised, Lacroix.  And I'm sure you realize that we need to
talk."  She tossed her hair over her shoulder as she made her way to the bar so
she could help herself to a drink.

She looked as beautiful as the first day he'd laid eyes on her, he reflected as he
watched her cross the room.  It was a shame that she was bound to be
disappointed this evening.  "Of course, my dear.  Tell me what's on your
mind."

********************

Natalie was so stunned to see Nick that she stopped dead in her tracks.  This
wasn't the way she wanted to see him to see her for the first time.  The golden
hue quickly faded from her eyes, and she whispered, "Nick?"

Nick could not believe his eyes.  Natalie, after all these months...and she was a
vampire.  Could Lacroix have done this?  He put a hand to her cheek and she
leaned into his touch.  Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the would-be
rapist running away in fear, but he no longer cared.  "I can't believe it's really
you."

"Uh, Nick?" Nat said softly as she motioned behind her to the girl, who was
starting to recover her senses.  "I think maybe we should see her home first."

********************

Janette spun around to face her sire.  "I am sick of you choosing Nicolas over
me.  I'm tired of being second best.  Why can't you just let him go?  He will
come back to you eventually...he always does."

Lacroix fixed her with an icy glare.  "This has nothing to do with him leaving
me, Janette.  And really, he'd be leaving us, wouldn't he?  After all, you've done
him the favor of bringing his love across."

"I only want to see Nicolas happy, and Natalie makes him very happy.  He was
just too stubborn to see the benefits of this situation.  I've done a lot of
thinking while we were chasing the two of you around, Lacroix, and I've come
to some conclusions..."

"Oh, do tell, Janette," he said wryly.

Janette ignored his tone; she could tell that he was growing angry, but she was
angry too.  She had rarely defied him, but she had to make a stand now.  "You
and Nick refused to discuss this with me, but Valentine's Day has everything to
do with Fleur.  And you want to make him pay for you having to leave her
behind, don't you?"

He replied in a tightly controlled voice, "He agreed, Janette...if he ever truly
loved a mortal..."

Janette snorted, "And what of Alyssa, Lacroix?  He loved her so much that he
wanted to be with her for eternity!  And the ballerina?  Nick did love her, and
you tricked him into killing her.  And there have been others...let him go,
Lacroix."

Lacroix's eyes glittered with anger.  "And if I don't?"

She looked at him sadly.  "Then you will lose me too.  I refuse to be an
'obedient' child for you any longer, Lacroix, if I can no longer respect you." 
Before he could react, she took her coat and left.

++++++++++++++++++++

The girl turned out to be a student at NYU, and after Nick and Natalie
escorted her to her dorm room, they returned to the park.  They held hands as
they walked through the park, and for a time they said nothing, just content to
be reunited after their long separation.  Nick led the way to the fountain, and
they sat on its edge.  

He had been slightly horrified in the way that he'd found Natalie after all these
long months.  He'd left Toronto to protect her from this fate.  But hadn't he
just been questioning his choice?  If there was anything he'd learned since
they'd been separated, it was how much a part of his life she'd become.  All the
way back to the park, he thought of what he would say to her when it came
time to talk.  He could tell that she was unsure of what his reaction would be,
and the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her.

Natalie didn't know what to think.  She saw the look of shock on Nick's face
when she turned to face him.  In fact, she was shocked to see him as well. 
Janette had said that she felt Nick's presence, but Natalie never expected to see
him in Washington Square Park in the middle of the night.  But then, she hadn't
expected to be there either.  She had just been taking a shortcut through the
park when she heard a voice calling for help.  But after his initial surprise, Nick
seemed...happy to see her.  She couldn't stand the silence any longer.  "What
are you thinking?"

He smiled gently as he stared into her eyes.  "About how much I've missed
you."

Natalie's reply came out in a flood.  "Oh, Nick, I've missed you too!  After you
left, I waited for you to contact me like you'd promised, but there was nothing. 
So I went to see Janette, and we had a long talk.  I told her everything, and
when I was done, she offered to bring me across."

"Janette brought you across?" Nick asked incredulously.  "I thought maybe
Lacroix did it before he came looking for me, and I didn't know what to say,
because I left to protect you from him.  I...love you too much to sacrifice you
to an 800 year old deal I made with Lacroix."

Nat punched his arm in frustration.  "If you love me, then how could you leave
me?  And what deal with Lacroix?"

Nick winced and rubbed at his arm.  "After I was brought across, I wanted to
visit my family one last time.  Lacroix and my sister fell in love, and he wanted
to make her one of us.  I couldn't bear to see that happen to her, so I convinced
Lacroix that if he truly loved Fleur, then he would leave her to live a mortal
life.  He agreed on one condition, that if I ever truly loved a mortal, then he
would take from me what I took from him."

Everything suddenly clicked into place for Natalie.  What happened at Azure,
and Lacroix's comments at the Raven made sense now.  "I won't let him keep
us apart, Nick."

"I'm not going to let him either, Nat.  I think it's time I confronted Lacroix." 
Nick stood up and took Natalie's hand as she stood with him.

"I'm going with you, Nick.  I'm not letting you out of my sight; I'm not taking
any chances.  No one's going to decide my life without me anymore...and we
still have to finish our talk."

*****

Lacroix was back at the window, standing this time, as he stared out at the
stars.  Clear nights like this always reminded him of his beloved Fleur.  How he
missed her still.  It was Nicholas' fault that Lacroix was alone, and he should be
made to suffer the same pain that his master felt every day.  

Janette had been right; Nicholas had loved mortals before.  Each time Lacroix
had interfered with these affairs, he'd expected to feel satisfaction.  But Fleur's
absence still left an empty space inside of him.  He thought of Fleur as she had
been--how beautiful, pure, innocent, kind and...forgiving she was.  She would
have forgiven her brother.

Nick opened the door to the suite to find his sire staring out the window
pensively.  As usual, his mood was impossible to read.  "Lacroix?  I need to
talk to you."

"I know."  The ancient vampire slowly turned toward his son.  He had sensed
Nicholas and Natalie coming, but was too absorbed in his thoughts to care. 
But now the time to face the situation had come.  He took some time to study
the scene before him.  Nicholas was standing there calmly, but Lacroix could
sense the conflict with in his son.  Among the swirl of emotions, he was happy
because Natalie had found him, but anxious about his master's reaction.  Good. 
Let him squirm.  Lacroix stood silently with his arms crossed, waiting for
Nicholas to begin.

Natalie squeezed Nick's hand reassuringly.  Finally he spoke, "The time has
come for us to both move on, Lacroix."

Lacroix merely cocked an eyebrow, but Nicholas was obviously waiting for
some kind of verbal response.  "Oh, really?"

Nick read volumes into was wasn't being said.  He replied, "You were wrong,
Lacroix.  My debt to you has been repaid...perhaps more than once.  I may not
have wanted this for Nat, but it really was her choice.  I realize now that I kept
this choice from Fleur, and I'm sorry.  But you've ruined my chances at love
more than once, and I'm not going to let you take Natalie from me as well."

Natalie could sense that Lacroix was growing angry, and he hadn't been before. 
He had seemed a little...melancholy, actually, not that she had sensed any such
thing from him.  She decided to intervene before this conversation turned ugly. 
"Lacroix, you must have loved Fleur very much.  Nick's told me how special
she was...I think she'd be very upset to see the two of you still arguing over her
after all these years.  She loved you both, and if she were still alive, this would
tear her apart."

Lacroix found himself soothed by Natalie's words.  He had been thinking along
the same lines, and it pleased him to hear that someone else could empathize
with his pain.  He looked her over; she was beautiful, smart, and...quite
comfortable with herself as a vampire.  Yes, given enough time, someday he
and the doctor would become friends.  He smiled slowly.  "I had been thinking
the same thing before you came in.  Fleur's memory should not be dishonored
in this fashion..."  He paused before saying softly, "She was much too
precious."  He moved towards the door and plucked his coat from the chair
where it had been draped.  He turned back to look at his son, his face showing
a multitude of emotions for only an instant before it became its usual
impenetrable mask.  And then he was gone.

Nick stared after his sire in amazement, until out of the corner of his eye, he
noticed Natalie moving around the room.  She smiled at him.  "Which bedroom
is yours?"

Nick gestured in the direction of his room and replied, "I'll race you."  He
glanced back at Natalie, his eyes twinkling with merriment as he took off for
his room.

********************

The next night Natalie found herself on a set of swings, waiting for Nick to
come back from his "secret" meeting with Janette.  He'd gotten out of bed
early, and left the hotel as soon as it was dark.  Natalie had known where he
was going, of course, but she'd pretended that she was still asleep.  There were
some things that he and Janette needed to discuss alone.

She wasn't there long before Nick approached and sat in the swing next to her. 
She glanced over and noticed the thoughtful look on his face.  He said quietly,
"He won't be back."

Nat wasn't at all surprised.  She didn't think he'd stay, but she knew that he'd be
back in their lives someday.  And maybe that wouldn't be so bad...Janette had
told her of happier times.  "Where did he go?"

"I didn't ask, but Janette will be going after him.  She doesn't want him to be
alone."

Nat nodded.  "I understand why; when you left me, Nick, I was devastated. 
But I have you back in my life now, and he'll never have Fleur again."

Nick took her hand.  "I was so miserable without you, but I'd thought I'd made
the right choice.  It's only been the last few weeks that I've started to feel
differently...  I spoke to a priest a few weeks ago, and he made me feel like I
could really be forgiven...that maybe that didn't depend on me regaining my
mortality."  He smiled when Natalie looked at him expectantly, and he
continued, "I haven't given up on looking for a cure, Nat.  I just feel better
about myself."

He leaned over and kissed her slowly.  When they separated, Natalie stood up
and tugged Nick to his feet.  "Come on, I want to see the shelter where you
volunteer.  I want to see if they have a place for me." 

***
In the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
***

The End