Copyright 1998 -- Robert Baer Jr.

D.J. Entry - Help Me! 


			W A R N I N G  ------------------  D I S C L A I M E R

The following story is PURE FICTION, it DIDN'T REALLY HAPPAN, only in my
mind.  It's for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY - and NOT MEANT TO BE TAKEN
TOO SERIOUSLY -- it represents a struggle of the mind.

The Dinosaur Chronicles

PROLOGUE

Born out an abundance of imagination, is a dinosaur, but not just any
dinosaur, a Computer Dinosaur!  One who think Microsoft is the opposite of
"micro-hard."  How does this living fossil
survive in today's world, well, read on and see for yourself!


Entry # 534
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Today started out to be a normal, typical boring day.  After my morning
graze, I returned to the cave to do a little housekeeping.  Outside of my
cave, barely visible on the horizon I could see my
friend, the Computer Gila Monster on another one of his "ant hunts." 
Seems silly to me to eat such
small insects for breakfast when there's so much tasty foilage around
here!  Oh well, carnivores are carnivores, I suppose!

The "excitement" started around noon when my friend, the Computer
Counsellor "popped in" for a
visit.  As I was making tea in the kitchen, ouside there was a bit of a
comotion.  A beautiful collie
dog was running at full trot toward my cave.  She stopped in front of the
Gila Monster, who seemed rather stunned when she asked,"Sir, please tell
me where I can find the Computer Dinosaur?"  

"First cave to the right!" the Gila Monster grumbled, but then he noticed
her face,"have you been in
some sort of fight, ma'am?  Who did this to you?"

"Must be going, thank you!" she barked as she ran closer to the cave.  I
must admit, she startled
both the Counsellor and myself when she ran suddenly into the living room.

"Mr Dinosaur, sir," she started to explain,"I'm Samantha Newberg, Ben
Maddog's youngest daughter and my father said anytime I was in trouble I
could come to you for help, and..."

"What happaned to your face?" the Counsellor asked,"did someone...."

"Yes!" she cried,"my husband did this to me!"

"Well, first let's see to those wounds, then we'll talk," I said,"don't
worry, you're safe with us."

So the Counsellor took my first aid kit and tended to Mrs. Newberg, one of
her eyes was swollen
and she was bleeding for her mouth.  Fortunately there seemed to be no
broken bones, but the
Counsellor noticed from the looks of her face that this wasn't the first
time she'd been beaten.  She'd seen this before when she worked in a
domestic crisis center.  

Later all three of us sat in the living room and began to talk about the
situation.  

"Yes, Counsellor," Samantha sadly admitted,"my husband has done this to me
before, several times as a matter of fact.  My father tried to warn me
about a bulldog's mean disposition, but I was
in love and I just wouldn't listen.  At first he was a very loving
husband, but over time he changed,
became very short tempered.  Nothing I did would please him, everything I
said he'd take the wrong
way.  I'd threatened to leave him several times and he always talked me
out of it.  But this time, I
decided that I just couldn't take it anymore.  I ran away and came here."

"Samantha, don't worry, everything will be fine," the Counsellor said as
she hugged her.

"Yes, we'll contact your father, the Counsellor even has the ability to
take you home anytime you
want to go,"  I added,"while you're here, I'll fix you something to eat, I
always keep kibble on hand
for my "nephews!"  

While I was preparing lunch in the kitchen, a very angry bulldog was
coming toward my cave, sniffing the ground as he walked by the Gila
Monster.  The bulldog looked up at him and asked,
"hey hoodlum, have you seen my wife?"  

"Watch your mouth, dogbreath!" the Gila snapped back,"is she a bulldog
like you?"

"No you idiot!" the bulldog growled,"she's a collie and I know she's
around here somewhere, I'm
tracking her by her scent."

"Wait a minute," the Gila said,"are you the one who smashed her face up?"

"NO!" he shouted,"she... er .... fell down a flight of stairs, now where
is she, punk?"

"I'm not telling you a thing, you poor excuse for a pet!" the Gila
yelled,"one more insult and you'll
meet the other end of this two-by-four up close and personal!"

"I'll deal with you later, you Fonzie wannabee!" the bulldog growled as he
ran toward my cave,
calling out his wife's name.

"Don't go out there," the Counsellor begged,"he'll only try to talk you
out of leaving him again!'

"No," Samantha said confidently,"I have to tell him sometime, might as
well be now."

Samantha walked outside to meet her husband, the Counsellor came with her.
 

"Honey, darling!" the bulldog said sweetly,"please come home, I'm so sorry
for what I did, it won't happan again."

"I've heard that before!" Samantha quickly answered,"all worthless words! 
This time I'm leaving you for good!"  

"You can't mean that, dear!" the bulldog pleaded,"I love you, Sam! and I
know if you'll give me one more chance...."

"I already have!" Samantha shouted,"many second chances, but no more!"

"Sweetheart, please!" he begged once more.

"NO!" Samantha shouted,"now go away!"

"What part of 'no' don't you understand?" the Counsellor added.

"Stay out of this, human!" the bulldog growled,"Samantha is MY wife, and
she's coming home with me NOW!"

"No I'm not!'  Samantha answered as she slowly backed away from him,"you
don't 'own' me and 
don't love you anymore!  Now go away or we'll call the police!"

The bulldog grew furious,"You're coming home NOW!" he screamed as he swung
his paw back
to strike her again.  As his paw started forward, a green, scaley hand
grabbed it in midair.

"That'll be enough of that!" the Gila Monster yelled,"now I'm all for
beating up creatures who deserve it, but this young lady is your wife, and
if you truly love her, how can you do this to her?"

"Shut up, lizard lips!"  the enraged bulldog muttered,"it's another male,
isn't it Sam?  You came here to see him, didn't you, you slut!"

At this point the Gila Monster let go of his paw, "I know where this is
leading" he thought as a 
big smile crossed his face!

"No!" Samantha cried,"that's not true!"

"He's in that cave, isn't he?"  the bulldog bellowed,"well, I'll beat the
crap out of your lover, then
I'm taking you home with me!"

Then the bulldog ran to the cave entrance and shouted,"HEY IN THERE!  COME
OUT AND FACE ME
YOU COWARD, I'LL TEACH YOU TO MESS AROUND WITH MY WIFE!   COME OUT HERE
YOU LITTLE CREEP!  COME OUT AND MEET YOUR DOOM!"

That's when I poked my head out of the cave entrance and said
politely,"May I help you, sir?"

The bulldog, "shocked" at my sudden appearance, "turned tail" and ran away
whimpering and
shouting "HELP!  MONSTER!" as he quickly disappeared over the hillside. 
I'm getting used to this
type of reaction, but I still don't understand it.

Samantha hugged my neck and said,"thank you, dinosaur" through her tears.

"Don't worry, Samantha!" the Counsellor told her,"I'll take you home
personally, and you and I can
talk there.  I've worked with many battered women at the center, I'm sure
your father's law firm will
take care of Mr. Newberg during your divorce hearings!"

"Thank you, Counsellor" Samantha said hugging her again.

"You're welcome!" the Counsellor answered as she reached in her purse and
brought out her
'black box.'  

"Thank you, too!" Samantha said, hugging the Gila Monster.

"Anytime, ma'am!" the Gila answered,"take care of yourself!"

"Goodbye!" Samantha said, waving as the Counsellor pressed the red button.
  BOOM! 
They were gone.

"She'll be just fine," I said to the Gila,"I'm sure between the Counsellor
and her sisters at Ben's 
law office, she'll be alright."

"Well, she's not bad for a mammal," the Gila Monster said,"but I wish I
would've smacked that husband of hers, he really deserves it."

"Don't worry," I said confidently,"I'm sure Samantha's lawyers will 'beat
him up good' in court!"

"Yes, I guess you're right," the Gila Monster said,"now, how about some
lunch!"

"I thought you were hunting ants again," I answered.

"Nope, all this excitement probably scared them away," The Gila
admitted,"what do you have?"

"I've got fresh vegatables or kibble!" I said,"hey, where are you going?"

"I'd rather eat a snake!"  the Gila Monster said,"I wonder if I can find
my last girlfriend......"

End of Entry
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