Copyright 1998 -- Robert Baer Jr.

D J Entry - Uncle Buford


	W A R N I N G   ------------------------   D I S C L A I M E R 

The following is PURE FICTION, it DIDN'T REALLY HAPPAN!  Only in my mind.
It's for ENTERTAINMENT  PURPOSES ONLY and NOT MEANT TO BE TAKEN TOO
SERIOUSLY.  It's a struggle of the mind.

The Dinosaur Chronicles

PROLOGUE

Out in the endless void of cyberspace roams a dinosaur, not an ordinary
dinosaur, a
Computer Dinosaur!  One who thinks memory "chips" go great with bean dip
and thinks
a terminal is where you'll catch the bus.  How does a ten-ton dinosaur
survive in today's
modern hig tech world, read on and see..........

Entry # 282
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Today started out like any ordinary day, after my shower I went outside
for my morning
"graze."  Those tree leaves were particularly tasty!  Then off for a quick
jog down to the
tar pits, but this time something different happaned.

As I was "on the trail," a strange man jumped in front of me, waving his
hands in the air
yelling "HELP!  HELP!"  He saw me and shouted,"You're the dinosaur! 
Someone called the
Renegade told me to find you!  He's stuck in the tar pit, and sinking
fast!  Hurry!  Follow me!"  I ran swiftly, following the strange little
man as he rounded a grove of trees, me
close behind.  However on the other side of this "blind turn" was a huge
steel cage!
It was too late to stop, my momentum threw me into it and two laughing men
shut the door
behind me before I even realized what happaned.

"We got him!" shouted one of the men.  "I told you my plan would work!"
the other said.

Their voices sounded familiar to me, but I was too angry with myself to
notice who they
were until they both turned toward me and smiled.  It was Safari Sam, the
famous big
game hunter who nearly captured me a year ago.  Standing beside him was
the Leader,
with a huge grin on his face.  

"Well, well, well," Safari Sam chortled with glee,"I finally have you!"

"My plan was perfect!" the Leader laughed,"and now I'll be rid of you once
and for all,
you poor excuse for evolution!"

"This time your strange friend in the Zorro suit won't help you," Safari
Sam said confidently,"he won't come looking for you for days, and by then,
your bones will be
on display in a museum in North Dakota!"

I tried to pull the bars open, but they were too strong.  I even tried to
ram the door, but I
only ended up bruising myself, badly!  All this time the two "partners"
and the Leader's
men watched and laughed at me.

"You're in there to stay!'  The Leader finally stated,"no use trying to
escape, you'll pay for all the damage you did to my headquarters and with
you out of the way, I'll get the
Renegade to follow me again!"

"Remember our bargain, Leader," Sarafi Sam said bluntly,"your men help me
load him unto the plane, I get to skin him, sell him and we split the
profit 50-50."

"Oh, I remember alright," the Leader said proudly,"I'll have money, and no
more big lizard
to ruin my plans!"  Then the Leader turned to me and said,"C'mon big
fellow, say something, go ahead, say something -- beg for mercy, plead for
your life, say something!"

I could only lower my head to the cage floor and sob quietly.  I couldn't
believe the mess
I was in this time, what was I going to do?   It was then I heard a loud
explosion, sounded
like it was in the sky, a jet plane maybe? I wondered as I looked upward. 
The others heard the noise too!  Then Safari Sam pointed up in the sky and
said,"look at that!"
The object soon came into view, it was a "flying" white pickup truck! 
Soon it was hovering overhead and gently landed just a few yards from my
cage!  Out of the truck
came an elderly man and a large great dane.  The gentlemen walked with a
cane, with
his dog close behind him.  

"Who in blazes are you, old timer?" Sarafi Sam asked.
 
"I think I know who he is," the Leader said,"he looks very familiar."

"You should remember me," the old man said quietly,"twenty years ago you
tried to recruit me into your little group, but I wouldn't join!   But you
got my nephew to join,
but now thank God he's out!"

"Oh no," the Leader whispered to Safari Sam,"that's Buford, the Renegade's
crazy uncle!"

"Crazy?" Sarafi Sam whispered back.

"Yes," the Leader continued in hushed voice,"he's a mad scientist, an
insane inventor,
he's trouble, we better get rid of him quickly."

"Why did you trap this Baerasaurus?" Uncle Buford said as he looked over
the cage.

I was so stunned, I couldn't say anything.  This man recognized my
species!  Wow!

"Sir, please help me, these men are going to kill me!" I pleaded.

"SHUT UP, YOU STUPID COMPUTER DINOSAUR!" the Leader screamed.

"So, you're that big dinosaur who's a friend of the Renegade, aren't you?"
 Uncle Buford
asked. 

As I nodded my head, Safari Sam stepped in front of the old man and
said,"Beat it, gramps, this is none of your business!  Leave, or we'll
make you leave!"

"Is that so?" Uncle Buford said shyly,"you and this bunch of losers?"

"Shut up old man," the Leader interrupted,"you're all alone, just you and
this mut of yours,
better go now before someone gets hurt."

"I'm not alone, cromedome!" Uncle Buford shouted,"hey truck, show'm I'm
not so alone
here!"  At that moment, the white truck began to move, bend and creak.  In
a matter of
seconds, the white truck had transformed into a large metal robot!  The
stunned look on
the two "partners" faces was priceless!  

"Ok, truck," Uncle Buford shouted,"go round up those funny looking
soldiers!"  
The robot ran toward the scared "followers" with his two big hands
reaching out to grab
them all!  There were screams of "HELP!" and "RUN EVERYBODY!" as the group
of men
scattered!

"That just leaves us, don't it?" Uncle Buford said with a laugh.

"Enough of this playing around!" Safari Sam shouted as he pulled out his
revolver,"I'll
shoot both of you if you don't call off that robot!"

With that, the dog jumped quickly in front of Sarafi Sam, grabbed his gun
in his teeth, and
returned to his master's side in a split second!  

"That dog's not real!" said the terrified Safari Sam.

"Of course he's real, I built him myself!" Uncle Buford said,"watch what
Max does next!"

The dog then "chewed up" the gun in his strong steel jaws, and spit out
little pieces all over the ground.  "Max, open that cage door up, will
you?" Uncle Buford asked.

"That mechanical mutt can't open a door from way over there!" laughed the
Leader.

Max turned his head and stared at the keyhole in the cage's doorlatch. 
Then in a matter
of seconds, a set of laser beams "shot out" from Max's eyes and burned the
doorlatch
apart!  I pushed the door open and stood beside the two frightened men who
minutes
before were laughing at me! 

"My, my, my" I said in a sarcastic voice, "you're so interested in my
bones, now you're
both going to see them, from the inside!"

"Wait, my large reptile friend," said Uncle Buford,"I have a better idea! 
Let's see how these two idiots can fly!"  Producing a black box from his
coat pocket, he aimed it at the
two "partners" and pushed the button.  

"Ha!  Nothing happaned," snorted Safari Sam, unaware of the fact that he
and the Leader
were now slowly floating upward!  

"Hey, get us down," the Leader pleaded,"I'm scared of heights"

"What do you know?" laughed Uncle Buford,"it's a flock of idgets!  Hey,
dinosaur, grab
the Leader and bring him to me, I got something to tell him!"

"OK," I said as I reached us and grabbed the Leader and pulled him down to
where Uncle
Buford was.  It was hard to "hold him down" the strange ray made him
lighter than a 
hydrogen balloon!  The ray's force was increasing every second that I held
him down.

"Now I'm only going to say this once, you Hilter wannabe!" shouted Uncle
Buford,"my
nephew is OUT of your organization, and he's staying out!  If I ever hear
that you or
your "groupees" have bothered my nephew or any of his friends, especially
this dinosaur, then I'll come looking for you!  If you think my truck and
dog are "fun," wait
until I turn the rest of my "devices" loose on you!  Why do you think
everyone calls me
Crazy for, twerpenstein!  I mean it, leave all of them alone, or I'll be
back!"

"OK, big friend, let him go!" Uncle Buford said as I opened my hand and
watched the Leader "shoot" straight into the sky with the force of a
loaded rubber band!  

At this point, a loud BOOM thundered from in front of the cage.  It was
the Computer Renegade, who had the Computer Counsellor, Xeren Zzoom, the
Computer Gila Monster and Wanna Talk with him.  

"We received a distress signal, C.D." the Counsellor said
excitedly,"where's the trouble?"  I pointed up to the sky at the
"floating" villians!  

"How did they get way up there?" the Renegade asked.

"I did it, nephew!" Uncle Buford stated proudly as he emerged from behind
the cage.

"Uncle Buford?" the Renegade said, completely surprised.

"Yes, my dear nephew, I was just coming over for a visit, but I saw those
two knotheads
trying to capture your big friend here," Uncle Buford explained.

"Hey, where's all the Leader's followers?" asked the Gila Monster,"I want
to give each of them a 'club' sandwich, with a real club!"

"Sorry, my leather jacketed amigo," Uncle Buford said," I guess my robot
scared them off!  Hey, truck, come back here!"

The robot returned, and in a matter of seconds the robot had transformed
into a truck once more.  

"Wow!" Xeren shouted,"That was so cool!"

"You should've seen his dog Max in action," I said,"WOW, super speed,
laser beam eyes...."

"Enough," Uncle Buford said,"look, I can only stay a little while longer,
so let me present
you with a little gift, nephew!"

"OH boy!" Wanna exclaimed,"what did you bring him!"

"Tell your girlfriend to calm down," Uncle Buford said with a chuckle as
he opened the
passanger side door and out jumped a big German Shepard!

"Renegade, meet Otto, you're new pet!"  Uncle Buford said as he handed him
a large
book,"here's the operating manual, you can add your own special gadgets to
him!  I
built Otto with the same plans as I built Max with, he'll obey your every
command!"

"Wow!" Xeren Zzoom shouted,"Your own robot dog!"

"Thank you, Uncle Buford!" the Renegade said,"I'll give Otto a good home!"

"I know you will, nephew!" Uncle Buford said as he and Max climbed into
his truck,"Goodbye everyone, see you again sometime!"

"Goodbye, Uncle Buford!" everyone shouted as they waved.  The white truck
then rose
upward into the sky and flew away.

"Renegade, you never told us about your Uncle before," Xeren Zzoom said.

"Who do you think taught me how to make inventions?" the Renegade said.

"I wonder where those two men will finally land?" I thought outloud.

"Sounds like they already did!" the Counsellor joked,"the scanner on my
"black box" just
picked up a report of two men falling from the sky, and into the tar pit!"

"That's poetic justice!" I said with a smerk.

"The rescue squad is already there, they'll get them out," The Counsellor
said.

"I'm mad!" the Gila Monster grumbled,"I didn't get to clobber anyone!"

"Maybe next time," the Renegade said calmly.

"Hey, remember what you're Uncle said," Wanna said excitedly, I'm your
girlfriend!"

"He's a crazy old man!" the Renegade answered,"he doesn't know what he's
saying."

"Well, that crazy old man saved my life!" I said defensively.

"Tell us," Wanna asked the Renegade,"are there any more of your relatives
you want to
tell us about?"

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End of entry