Copyright 1998 --- Robert Baer Jr. D J -- The Trial W A R N I N G ---------------- D I S C L A I M E R ------------------------------- The following story is PURE FICTION, it REALLY DIDN"T HAPPAN (except in my mind) This writing is for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY and is NOT MEANT TO BE TAKEN TOO SERIOUSLY. It illustates an internal struggle of the mind. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Dinosaur Chronicles: Prologue: Once upon a time in cyberspace roamed a dinosaur, not a ordinary dinosaur, A Computer Dinosaur, one who thinks TRS-80 Color Computers are cool and that DOS RULES! How does a 10-ton Computer Dinosaur live in a human world? Here is yet another entry from his "journal" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Entry # 130 Today at long, long last I'm going home! It'll be good to see the old familiar places (and get some decent foilage to eat for a change). I spent all night packing, I was ready for my return. The Computer Counsellor and I had a long discussion and she really helped me to deal with my "past." Now I was waiting for the Computer Renegade to "pop" in, he's usually not this late. That's when I heard a police siren outside my cave, and a sheriff's deputy came inside. He handed me an folded piece of paper and said,"Computer Dinosaur you have been served, you are to appear in court as a witness in a civil trial." I read the document quickly and exclaimed,"But the trial is today, and I'm leaving in a few minutes." "Oh no you're not!" the officer said sternly,"The only place you're going is the courthouse!" "But how will I get there, the big city is several miles away and I won't make it on time, even with these four of mine running at full gallop," I explained. "Well, you seem like a good guy," the deputy said calmly,"I'll give you a ride, good thing I'm driving the department's heavy duty tow truck today." "Can I ride shotgun?" I asked. "You might be able to fit your head into the passager side, but the rest of you better ride on the back," the deputy said with a warm smile. The deputy and I arrived at the Courthouse, a tall and very imposing four story building. The courtroom was on the second floor, I had to use the stairs because the elevator was too small. I found a bench in the back of the courtroom to sit on, still wondering why I was here. I gently tapped the shoulder of the lady seated in front of me and asked,"Excuse me please, what is this case all about?" The lady turned around and whispered,"It's a civil lawsuit and counter suit between Xeren Zzoom and The Computer Gila Monster, each is suing the other for damages." "All rise!", yelled the bailiff,"This court of the land of LIMBO is now in session, the honorable Judge Blanche Vito presiding" "You may be seated," the bailiff bellowed as Miss Vito sat behind the bench. As the procedings started, I took a good look around the courtroom. I saw at one table Xeren Zzoom, dressed in a business suit with his attorney, the famous southerm lawyer Ben Maddog from Atlanta. At the other table was the Computer Gila Monster, decked out in his usual black leather jacket and big boots. Beside him was another famous lawyer, Prairie Mason, that battle-weary "prairie" dog attorney from Arizona. Someone in the crowd told me that Judge Vito was very stern, hard-nosed and didn't take much "guff" As the trial started, I found myself wanting to sleep. I was so excited about going "home" that I didn't get much sleep last night. I felt myself nodding off, trying to stay awake, but slowly I felt myself starting to slumber off. "HEY YOU - BIG AND SCALEY IN THE BACK!" the judge yelled, awakening me with quite a startle. "YOU'RE SNORING SO LOUD IT SOUNDS LIKE AN AIRPORT RUNWAY! ORDER IN THE COURT!" she screamed as she slammed down her gavel. I lowered my head in shame. Gee whiz, I missed half of the trial! The bailiff called for the next witness,"The court calls the Computer Renegade to the stand!" Everyone turned and looked around the room and at each other, the Computer Renegade wasn't in the courtroom! "Where is he," bellowed Judge Vito,"We don't have all day here! I have a tee-off time...I mean important business to take care of!" At that moment a loud BOOM shook the courtroom, when the smoke cleared, there was the Computer Renegade standing beside the witness stand. "Isn't someone going to swear me in?" he said as he turned to the judge with a polite smile. "I'll swear AT you if you ever come into my courtroom like that again!" snorted Judge Vito. Prairie Mason walked up to the bench and said,"Computer Renegade, will you please tell the court exactly what you saw the afternoon of January 12, 1998?" As the Renegade started to speak, there was a loud noise coming from in back of the courtroom. I had found a bag of Col. Crispies Extra Crunchy Potato Chips under my chair so I opened them and started eating. I hadn't had my morning graze, and I was very hungry, not realizing the noise I was making while chewing. "WILL YOU STOP THAT INFERNAL NOISE YOU GIANT SIZED ANIMAL CRACKER!," Judge Vito hollered,"I"M LOSING PATIENCE WITH YOU, YOU OVERSTUFFED LIZARD!" "I'm sorry, your honor," I said softly"I didn't know..." "SHUT UP, OR I'LL MUZZLE YOU!" screamed Judge Vito, growing angrier by the minute. "Now, testify you Zorro-looking maniac!" the Judge shouted at the Renegade. "Hey, you stop yelling at my friend, he didn't mean any harm" said the Renegade. "One more outburst like that and I'll throw you in the clink!" the Judge rambled,"now answer the question!" The Renegade began by saying "On that day I had just brought the Computer Dinosaur to LIMBO" "That's me!" I exclaimed without thinking. "ORDER IN THIS COURT!" the Judge yelled again,"ONE MORE OUTBURST LIKE THAT YOU HUGE ANNOYING REPTILE AND I'LL HOLD YOU IN CONTEMPT!" I lowered my head in embarrassment. "As I was saying," the Renegade continued,"I had just arrived with the Dinosaur when I got a distress call on my emergency beeper, someone reported a fight between a "computer nerd" and a "reptile" in the Nevermore District. I knew who it was, and I "transported" over there quickly. What I found shocked me, Xeren Zzoom was sitting up in a tree being yelled at by the Computer Gila Monster who was waving a iron pot with his left hand. 'I made you a three-bean salad, nerd boy!' the Monster shouted, 'now come down here so I can bean you with it' I quickly grabbed the pot out of his hand and screamed 'Enough!' I told them to stop this insanity and sent them each home." How did you accomplish that?" quipped Prairie Mason. "Like this," the Renegade said as he produced his "black box," pointed it at me and pushed one of the buttons. BOOM! The next thing I knew I was on top of Prairie Mason's table, my sudden "reappearance" broke the legs out from under it and I fell to the floor with a loud THUD! "Sorry about that, C.D." said the Renegade. "That was fun, can I do it again?" I said rather excitedly! "YOU MORON!," the Judge yelled,"GET UP AND SIT DOWN IN THE BACK...NOW!!!!" "That wasn't his fault, your honor, I'm to blame," the Renegade said apologeticly. "THIS COURTHOUSE IS TURNING INTO A CIRCUS," screamed a frustrated Judge Vito,"That had better be ALL for this witness, counsellor!" Prairie Mason whimped "No further questions at this time." That said, the Computer Renegade said,"that's all for me, folks" and disappeared with a loud BOOM! "IF ONE MORE PERSON IS GOING TO DISAPPEAR IN MY COURTROOM, IT"S GOING TO BE ME!" the Judge shouted,"Bailiff, call the next witness!" "The court calls the Computer Dinosaur to the stand," the Bailiff said. As I walked up the witness stand, I suddenly realized something important. "Y'all, I gotta go to the little Dinosaur's room," I said. "NO!" the judge sneared,"GET UP HERE AND TESTIFY!" "I really, really gotta go bad, your honor," I begged. The bailiff whispered to the judge,"better let him go, if he goes Blazing Saddles on us.." "ALRIGHT, COURT WILL RECESS, YOU HAVE FIVE MINUTES, NOW GO!" "But your honor, there are no dinosaur-sized facilities in this building," I said. "GET GOING DINO-BRAIN, I DON'T CARE WHERE YOU GO, JUST GO!" the Judge shouted in rage as she left the courtroom. I ran out the door and down the hallway. While I was away, I was told that the two attorneys got into an argument over who would represent me when I sued the city for lack of "dinosaur sized" restrooms. Four minutes later Judge Vito and the litigants returned and I ran into the courtroom, nearly out of breath. The Judge shouted "Get up here and testify, now you scaley paperweight!" All I could manage to say was "Your honor..." The judge looked really angry and said,"DON'T JUST STAND THERE, GET UP INTO THE WITNESS STAND!" I was still panting too much and struggled to say "Your Honor .... I" At that point, the PA system came on and blarred, "ATTENTION ---- EVACUTE THIS BUILDING IMMEDIATELY! MAJOR SEWER LINE BREAK" I continued "I didn't make it out of the building in time." Judge Vito just sat there, completely motionless. "I tried to find a place to .... and you only gave me five minutes and ....and you probably don't want to know what I had to use as toilet tissue," I said sadly'"I'm sorry but I couldn't hold it any longer." That when the Judge lost it. She just pointed at me and started screaming at me at the top of her lungs! She scoulded me with a barrage of words, many of them I probably wouldn't find in a dictionary. She called me every name in the book, and I think she invented some, especially after the odor in the hallway finally reached the courtroom. I tried to apologize several times, but that just made the Judge madder. Even Xeren Zzoom and the Computer Gila Monster couldn't believe what they were seeing! Xeren shouted "leave my friend alone!" The Gila hollered,"Stop it, he may be a big lumox, but he didn't do any of this on purpose!" The judge was red hot,"YOU TWO STAY OUT OF THIS! HOW CAN WE HAVE A TRIAL WITH THIS BIG SCALEY PAPERWEIGHT RUINING EVERYTHING" Judge Vito got so mad, she actually kicked me in my tail. It didn't hurt, but it must've hurt her because she wailed, hopping up and down on one leg while holding the injured one. The entire courtroom burst out in laughter, even Xeren and the Gila were so busy laughing, they forgot about their feuding. "I withdraw my charges," Xeren shouted. "Me too," roared the Gila Monster as the two shook hands. "Watching the way the judge treated the big guy made me realize how silly our "battle" was," Xeren told the Gila. "You're right, this is insanity," the Gila Monster answered back. "I just want to go home!" I said sadly, almost in tears. "OK, big guy, let's go!" said the Renegade who was standing behind me. "But how can I leave, look at all the damage I've caused!" I moaned. "Dinosaur, all this isn't entirely your fault, and look, Xeren and the Gila Monster actually stopped fighting because of you!" "But what about the mess in..." "I took care of that, I transported all of it to Miss Blance Vito's residence!" "I guess sometimes I can cause trouble without even trying..." "And good things can happan without trying too, can't they, let's get you home big guy." "Thank you, Renegade, I'm ready to leave LIMBO" BOOM! End of entry ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------