Copyright 1998 -- Robert Baer Jr. Revised 2000 D.J. next entry W A R N I N G ----- D I S C L A I M E R The story that follows is PURE FICTION, it REALLY DIDN'T HAPPAN (except in my mind) The presentation is ONLY intended for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT MEANT TO BE TAKEN TOO SERIOUSLY. It illustrates a struggle of the mind. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dinosaur Chronicles: Prologue: One upon a time in the world of cyberspace, a dinosaur roamed. Not an ordinary dinosaur, but a Computer Dinosaur, one who worked with the Apple IIc and the Burroughs 1900. A creature out of place and out of his time, trying to live in a modern world. This is his story. Two more entries from his personal journal ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Entry # 124 It was another uneventful day in the land of LIMBO, I miss my home cave, hope to return there soon. This place isn't so bad, but I want to get back to my garden. Xeren Zzoom stops by and brings me my e-mail, I like e-mail, it's so cool! The Computer Renegade also "pops" in from time to time, but the last time he appeared, I was in the shower and he materialized right beside me! He nearly drown, a human being shouldn't try to enter a dinosaur-size shower stall. All that water made him look like a wet rat, I sure had a good laugh over it, but I think he was not amused. Oh well, the highlight of the day was when Xeren came by and brought me my e-mail. I noticed he was holding a rather large sack with some cookies in it. I asked him, "may I sample one of those delicious looking cookies, Xeren?" He angrily shouted,"NO! , I mean these cookies aren't for you." "Who are they for?", I asked. "They're for the Computer Gila Monster," Xeren explained,"these are special cookies -- made with chocolate 'chips' I got straight from the pharmacy! Now if you'll please excuse me, I must go and 'deliver' them." "Later big guy!," he chuckled as he ran out the cave enterance. I wasn't surprized later that day when the Computer Gila Monster arrived in the cave, screaming at the top of his lungs,"WHERE IS HE! WHERE IS THAT LITTLE TWERP!" as he waved a two-by-four over his head. "You better not be hiding him, dinosaur, or I'll pound you as hard as I'm going to pound that peanut butter-hating pervert!" yelled the Gila Monster. "I don't know where he is," I said,"why do you...." "Because I know that nimrod is the one who sent me those cookies!" he shouted,"and they gave me plenty of exercise. When I find him, I'm going to part his hair right down the middle with this board! " "Calm down, take it easy," I said,"He's not here." "I don't believe you!," the Gila growled,"I'm going to have a look around." The Gila Monster ran down the hallway into my bedroom. By the time I got there, he had emptied my suitcase all over the floor! "Stop it," I yelled,"this is silly, look at this mess. Do you know how long it took me to pack this..." He was already out of the room and down the end of the hall. I was starting to pick up my clothes off the floor, when I heard a loud splash and a ear-piercing scream,"H E L P ! !." I ran down the hallway as fast as my four legs would carry me, straight into the restroom. "HELP ME, I CAN'T SWIM!!" the Gila Monster wailed. "How did you get in there?." I questioned. "NEVER MIND THAT, GET ME OUT!!" he franticly shouted. I lowered my head and said,"Here, grab hold of my neck and I'll pull you out!" He stopped dog-paddling and hugged my neck as I pulled him up and lowered him safely to the floor. "That's a stupid place to put an indoor swimming pool!" he grimissed. "That's not a swimming pool," I said, politely pointing to the large flush lever. "Where do you think a dinosaur does his business, out in the woods?" I said, trying to hold back laughter. This proclamation make the Computer Gila Monster even more angry, he picked up his board and started to leave. "Now my boots are soaked," he mumbled as he walked away, making a funny slushy sound as he went. I lightly spoke,"Now do you believe he's not here?" "Yes, I believe he's not here!," the Gila grumbled mockingly,"you tell that little runt that the next time I see him, I giving him a free trip to Hollywood 'cause I'm gonna make him see stars!" I was going to offer him a towel, but he just kept walking, waving his two-by-four high over his head and grumbling as he went. All I could do is shake my head in disgust. Why do folks get so worked up over opinions? It made me so ashamed of myself for acting like that a few weeks ago. I can't understand it, didn't this "feud" start over Xeren's opinion of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches? Gee whiz, it makes me sad to see folks take debating so seriously. I just wonder, why can't we all just get along? Life's too short to spend it beating each other up. End of entry -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Entry # 125 The next day started out well. I took my shower, went outside for my morning "graze" (the plant life in LIMBO leaves a lot to be desired), and took a stroll outside near the tar pit. Xeren Zzoom dropped by with my e-mail, his head wrapped in gauze bandages. I was going to ask him about it, but I think I know how he got "injured." The only thing he'd say to me was "I gonna get me some Gila Monster skin matching luggage," as he left the cave. I was just getting ready to do the dishes when I heard a doorbell ringing. Strange, I thought, since this cave has no door. I poked my head out a window and said "hello? Who's out there?" A petite lady dressed in a pink jumpsuit with a carema around her neck looked up and said,"Computer Dinosaur, I assume? I'm Wanna Talk, a reporter for the Daily Blab and I've come to interview you for my paper! May I come in?" Excited about having a new visitor, I shouted," Please come in, and welcome!" Miss Talk looked around the living room,"Nice...stone walls you have here," she said. "I'll go in the kitchen and get you some refreshments, do you like tea?" I said as I walked toward the cubbard. "Well, this is a rather .... er........ interesting cave you have here..," Wanna said rather sarcasticly," I believe I will have some tea, Mr.Dinosaur. I need something to wash down these wonderful chocolate chip cookies!" Oh no, I thought, peeking out the doorway, my worst fear was realized. Apparently Xeren left a bag of his "cookies" on my couch when he brought my e-mail this morning! Looks from here like the bag is now empty, too late! I hope this will be a short interview, I thought to myself as I took the tea set into the living room. "Mr. Dinosaur, I'm curious, why are you here in LIMBO?" Wanna asked. "I'm here as a visitor, to relax and ..." "How did you get here," Wanna interrupted. "I was brought here by ..." "You were brought here?" Miss Talk said, looking shocked,"and where were you when you were abducted?" "I wasn't abducted," I explained,"I was just in my garden when ...." "You were kidnapped out of your farm?", Wanna warbled excitedly,"now this is a story. Tell me more about your suffering, you poor thing!" "What suffering?" I asked rather startledly,"I came willingly because..." "You were brainwashed!" yelled Wanna,"now this is news, may I borrow your phone, I need to call the office." I couldn't believe what was happaning, I tried several times to set her straight, but my "explanations" only made things look worse to Wanna. Just as I was really getting frustrated, a loud boom shook the living room. The force knocked Miss Talk off the couch. It was the Computer Renegade, making another "grand" entrance. "Dinosaur," he said rather tersely,"who's this person?" "She's Wanna Talk from the Daily Blab and she..." "The Daily Blab?," the Renegade moaned,"that's only the worst tabloid in all of LIMBO! They claim that Elvis was really a Communist spy, that Kathy Lee Gifford is secretly married to Howard Stern and that Rush Limbaugh donated money to the Clinton campaign! Why are even talking to her?" "So," Miss Talk interrupted,"you must be the kidnapper. How dare you steal this poor creature away from his farm to do slave labor and keep him locked away in this dungeon!" "Wait a minute!" pleaded the Renegade. "That's not what I told you!, I yelled. "How can you mistreat this poor creature? You should be ashamed of yourself! How many times a day do you beat him?" Wanna asked sarcasticly. "Mistreatment?" the Renegade shouted. "Poor creature?" I implored. "You should be kinder to dumb animals! I'm calling the ASPCA on you, no wonder your dressed in black!" Wanna yelled, looking for the telephone. "That's just about enough," the Renegade said sternly. "Who are you calling a dumb animal?" I shouted, she made me mad! "I'll shut down your little operation, and I'll make sure this poor mistreated creature is placed in a good zoo!" Wanna said with authority in her voice. "I have a better idea," the Renegade replied, pulling out his little "black box" and aiming it at her. "Time for a change of venue, you little Jane Pauley wannabe!" he said as he pushed one of the buttons. BOOM! In a flash, she was gone! "What did you do that for?" I asked,"where did you send her?" "Don't worry, C.D., I sent her to a place where she'll really fit in, a place where she'll really feel at home," explained the Computer Renegade. "Where's that?" I asked. "Where else, Washington D.C!", the Renegade chuckled,"she'll either become a political consultant, a regular on CNN or work for the White House! I hoped you learned a lesson today, big guy. That's what can happan when people don't understand each other." "I think I know what you mean," I said sadly,"that happaned to me a few weeks ago, I misunderstood some of my friend's comments and I think they might have misunderstood some of mine, too." "Well," said the Renegade,"there's hope for you yet my enormous friend. Maybe after you see the Computer Counsellor Monday, you'll be able to return home." "I gotta get back to my cave, my garden, and my friends," I proclaimed, "LIMBO's a nice place to visit, but I don't want to stay here!" "Ok, Dinosaur, let's just see how it goes," said the Computer Renegade. He pushed some buttons on his black box as he said "Farewell, my friend," and vanished. Thinking back, I wonder if everything is alright "back home?" I wonder if Xeren and the Gila Monster will ever stopped squabbling. And one last question, I wonder how soon those cookies Wanna Talk ate will "kick in?" Life is full of mysteries, isn't it? End of entry ---------------------------------------------------------------------------