Copyright 1999 -- Robert Baer Jr.

PROLOGUE

Ever wonder what would happen if the world had "gone to the birds?"  IT
HAS!  In BirdWorld!   This is the continuing story of Robin Mallory, radio
personality, loving wife and mother.  How are things going in "her" world?
 Let's ask "Chipper" Birdwell, Robin's father about it!

BirdWorld -- "Meet my parents"

As we approach Chipper's tree, we notice that he's sitting at the picnic
table, looking at what appears to be an old photo album.  "Hey there!" he
chirps as he glances up and notices us watching him.  "I got this old
photo album out, it sure brings back a lot of old memories, like this one,
where Robin and Joe went to the prom together.  I can sure remember how
nervous young Joe was when he came by that night to pick up Robin, it was
the first time he really had a chance to sit down and chat a while with
his girlfriend's parents!   I must admit, Joe truly impressed me that
night, behaved like a true gentleman!   That was a LOT different from what
happaned last weekend when Babs Finchly finally introduced her parents to
Wild Bill Bluejay!   Babs and Wild Bill have been seeing each other for
months, and although Babs lives away from her folks, she still felt it was
important for them to meet the new 'male' in her life!   It was going to
be a very simple evening:  First, dinner at the Lucky Leaf, then a late
movie!   Seems like a good plan, nothing can go wrong, right?  Well, you
have to remember that this is Wild Bill we're talking about here......

After dinner, the four birds went to see a movie, when the film had ended,
they were getting ready to fly home.  Bab's mom noticed that she had left
her new spring hat in the lobby, so Wild Bill volunteered to go back and
get it for her.  While he was away, Bab's parents took her aside and began
to talk to her about her boyfriend.

"Babs," her father bellowed,"we need to talk to you about this Wild Bill
fellow."

"He's a dream, isn't he?" Babs said with a giggle.

"Young lady, that bluebird is all wrong for you!" Bab's mom shouted,"not
only is he not a finch, he's also a lunatic!"

"Mom, don't say that!" Babs said defensively,"now he may be a little
strange...."

"A little strange?"  Bab's dad interrupted,"did you see how he acted in
the restraunt?  When his plate of navy beans arrived, he broke out in
song, singing the Marine Corp anthem!"

"And then he sang 'Anchor's Away!"  Bab's mom added.

"Well, I thought he was cute, and you have to admit he can carry a tune!" 
Babs answered.

"Everyone was all staring at us!"  Bab's dad protested,"it was so
embarrassing!"

"But not as bad as when he started juggling all the fruit that was on the
dessert tray!"  Bab's mom yelled,"And remember when he dropped some of the
grapes and they rolled across the other side of the room...."

"So, a few birds stepped on them," Babs said relucantly,"big deal..."

"Not as big a deal as his bad table manners!"  Bab's mom exclaimed,"he
eats like he was raised in the wild!"

"Well," Babs said timidly,"at least he did take us all to a great movie?"

"A great movie?" Bab's dad said with sarcasism,"a GREAT MOVIE?   Since
when is Alfred Hitchcock's 'The Birds' a good movie for finches to watch?"

"And all those 'dive bomber' and 'machine gun' noises he made all through
the picture!"  Bab's mom grumbled,"I thought for sure that they would
throw us all out of the theater!"

"Look, mom, dad," Babs said firmly,"I've fallen in love with Bill, I'll
admit he's very unique, different, and maybe even a little off the wall,
but he loves me and treats me better than any of my other boyfriends ever
did..."

"But he's not a FINCH!" Bab's dad screamed,"he stands twice as tall as we
do!"

"We just think that he's not the right bird for you to be seeing now,"
Bab's mom said,"now your Aunt Gertrude knows this nice young finch who
works in an accounting office, and ....."

"And I LOVE BILL!"  Bab's said with tears appearing in her eyes.   The
three finches were so involved in their conversation that they didn't
notice three very angry looking birds walking ever so closer to them.  It
was only when the tallest one spoke that they looked up and saw that they
were cornered.

"Well, isn't this nice?" the largest bird said with a sneer,"I'll make it
short and sweet, little birdies, give me all your valuables or me and my
boys will 'ruffle' your feathers!  Right, boys?"   His two companions
nodded as all three moved even closer to the frightened finches. 

"C'mon, hurry up, I haven't got all night!" the largest bird chirped,"I
have other birds to rob tonight!  Hey guys, let's take the pretty lady
bird with us, we'll really have a party tonight!"

"Leave my daughter alone or I'll...."

"Or you'll do WHAT, you old crow!"  the gang leader answered Bab's dad
back.

"Or he'll call for Dudley Do-Right of the Mounties!"  a mysterious voice
yelled out into the night.

"Who said that!" the gang leader squawked,"show yourself, if you have the
guts!"

"I got plenty of guts!" the mysterious voice answered,"want a sliver?"

As the three hoodlums moved out into the street, they all heard the sound
of rustling leaves behind them, and out leaped Wild Bill!   He was wearing
a crude looking white headband and shouting,"Bonzai!   Chow Mein!  You
boys wanna play?"

"Stay out of this, bluejay!" the gang's leader warned,"or we'll get you
next!"

"Well, that's mighty neghborly of you!" Wild Bill chirped as he walked
over towards them,"have a worm, I always try to carry a few extra live
ones for my buddies...."

"I'm not your buddy, bird brain!" the leader mumbled,"now BEAT IT!"

"Hey, that's a great idea!"  Wild Bill screamed as he leaped over the gang
leader's head and started hitting the other two gang members with the
worms he was holding!   Wild Bill twirled those worms so fast that the two
angry birds couldn't get away from him.   

"How's that for a beating?"  Wild Bill said,"Hey, you two dorks having fun
yet?"

"Lefty, Muscles, don't stand there and take that from this blue village
idiot, GET HIM!" their leader yelled.

"Ok, so you don't like worms," Wild Bill said as he reached down and
grabbed a handful of stones,"how about some rock candy?"

Wild Bill threw his stones at Lefty and Muscles, scoring direct hits on
their noggins, Babs and her parents watched in amazement as the two tough
guys ran away and took flight.

"Hey, come back here, you cowards!" their leader shouted up to them.

"Leaving so soon?" Wild Bill said in disappointment,"you and your pals
have to stay for dessert!   Fresh raw apples, CATCH!!!"

With that, Wild Bill heaved a large green apple at the gang leader,
hitting him and knocking him to the ground.   Then Wild Bill tossed apples
through the air, barely missing the fleeing gang members.   Walking over
to the gang leader, Wild Bill chirped,"you know, they just don't make
gangs like they used to, do they?"

"What's all the commotion here?" Officer Kip Canary asked as he arrived on
the scene.

"My boyfriend saved us from getting robbed!"  Babs cheerfully chirped as
she ran toward Wild Bill and gave him a big hug.

"I recognize you," Officer Kip said with excitement,"you're Wild Bill
Bluejay!   WOW!    I love your talk show!   Can I have an autograph, sir?"

"Sure can,"  Wild Bill said,"now all I need is a banana to write with and
we'll be set!"

Officer Kip laughed,"Wild Bill, you're too much!   Well, I've got the
cuffs on this one, we'll find his partners, too!   All of you will need to
come to the station later to fill out some paperwork, now you all have a
nice evening and thanks again, Wild Bill!"

When the policebird was out of sight, Bab's dad turned to Wild Bill and
said,"Mister, you are either the bravest bird I've ever seen or the
craziest loon in history!"

"Which is it?" Wild Bill said in wonderment,"you're confusing me...."

"Thank you for saving us!" Bab's mom said with a smile,"that was very
brave!"

"Well, I wasn't about to let those old buzzards ruin our evening!"  Wild
Bill said proudly,"besides, now we can all go over to my nest and I can
show you my fungus collection!    They grow right on the tree limb!  Now
with proper fertilization you can grow some really BIG ones!   And then we
can play "peck a bee" over at the old beehive, and later we can ...."

That Wild Bill just kept talking and talking and talking all night!  
Bab's parents did learn a lot about Wild Bill that evening, he was truly
in love with their daughter, and they even learned how to play "peck a
bee!"   Of course, Bab's dad did come close to getting stung!   Oh well,
at least the important thing to remember is, give your fellow bird a
chance!   Don't always judge a "book" by it's cover, get the whole 'story'
first!   Well, enough for my trip down memory lane, I've got to be going,
Joe is cooking up a big pot of "Grub Ala-King!"   YUMMY!!!    Bye for now!

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