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  “To the store it is then,” Chris decided with a smile as he reached for his jacket. “It’s been so long since I’ve gone shopping, but I think I’m rather excited about it,” Julie confessed as she heard a tapping on the door. Instantly she froze in her tracks as she locked gazes with Chris. “I’ll check it out,” Chris instinctively said as Julie nodded and retreated into the kitchen trying not to let this get to her. Chris sighed realizing that she wasn’t nearly as ready to be out as she’d claimed to be and this unexpected visitor proved it. He stood taller as he thought of who could be showing up at his door. He reached for the knob wondering if Eve had shown up and how he was going to explain all of this to her after last night. However upon opening the door, he found himself face to face with someone else. “Chris Ramsey,” she questioned as she looked up at him, “yeah you’re him,” she decided before allowing herself access into his apartment, “you’re just like Eve described you.” “Excuse me?” Chris replied as she scrutinized his place, “and you are?” “Oh,” she extended her hand, “Shelley. Shelley Lambert.” “You’re kidding,” He couldn’t help but smile as he looked her over a bit surprised to finally meet the infamous little Shelley Lambert. “You seem shocked to see me,” Shelley watched him for a moment, “didn’t Eve mention that I was coming into town?” “Actually Eve...” he started as he saw her curious eyes, “Eve doesn’t...” “That is so like her,” Shelley rolled her eyes, “you know I’m constantly telling her that she needs to keep people up to date on things, but she’s so forgetful.” “Obviously,” Chris noted watching Shelley for a moment as he tried to place the resemblance between her and Eve. Shelley had a much more abrasive approach to her than Eve did, but in the eyes there was some similarities. “So where is she?” Shelley asked breaking his thoughts. “Where is who?” Julie questioned popping out of the kitchen as she felt the threat had been lifted from her. “Julie,” Chris spoke out turning his attention to his wife, “this is Shelley Lambert, Eve’s little sister.” “I’m sorry,” Julie turned her eyes to Shelley, “that must be something you don’t like to own up to most often.” “Excuse me?” Shelley questioned giving Julie a disapproving look, “and you are?” “Julie,” Julie extended her hand to Shelley, “Julie Devlin-Ramsey.” “Oh that’s right. You’re the serial killer,” Shelley nodded in response just staring at Julie’s outstretched hand, “Eve told me all about you.” “Did she now?” Julie frowned slightly, “well, coming from your sister, I wouldn’t take too much of it to heart.” “Hmm...that’s interesting coming from you because from what I’ve heard, didn’t you take to heart where your father was concerned? Something about a pen and stabbing him...” “Shelley,” Chris broke through her words before Julie could react, “you know if you’re looking for Eve, you might try the hospital.” “Or the Port Charles hotel,” Julie added smugly, “she likes to keep her clientele going over there.” “What time should she be back here?” Shelley asked ignoring Julie as she looked to Chris, “Eve mentioned that I could just crash for a while if she wasn’t around.” “Eve doesn’t live here anymore Shelley,” Chris replied trying to keep his voice emotionless as the pain of that statement lingered with him still. “What do you mean she doesn’t live here? Eve gave me this address and...” “She lives with her psycho shrink control freak boyfriend Kevin,” Julie cut in with a bright smile, “the two of them are bent on making everyone miserable in their own little ways together. I’m sure if you go over to Kevin’s place you’ll more than fit it.” “Listen you....” Shelley began contemplating her words, “nevermind, you’re not worth my time,” she looked back to Chris, “So Eve really doesn’t live here with you anymore?” “Not for a while now,” he shook his head, “but she should be over at the hospital shortly.” “I’ll have to check it out then,” Shelley nodded. “You do that,” Julie waved at her, “now if you don’t mind my husband and I had some things to take care of.” “Funny thing,” Shelley said looking over to Chris, “the way Eve described you, she’d made you sound like you’d had taste,” she looked over to Julie, “obviously she was mistaken,” With that she walked out of the apartment determined to find her sister. “Can you believe the nerve of that girl?” Julie questioned in disbelief. “She’s just looking for her sister,” Chris replied with a sigh, “don’t take her words to heart.” “She’s just like Eve,” Julie hissed, “wicked and heartless.” “Julie, don’t let her upset you.” “How can I not? That’s all I need is another Lambert making my life miserable,” Julie sighed, “Well at least you got Eve to just back off. She was really growing into a pain.” “Eve’s not going to bother you Julie,” Chris said tightly. “Since you talked to her,” Julie grinned, “you know you never did tell me exactly what you told her.” “I don’t want to get into it now,” Chris said handing her a jacket, “Come on. Let’s get going.” “Fine, but I’m going to hold you to it later. I want all the juicy details.”
Eve took in a breath knowing that this was going to be the challenge of her life as she reached out to his shirt popping open a couple of buttons. Their eyes met as she pulled his shirt open. After a moment she started placing kisses on his chest trying to place herself somewhere else telling herself to just shut off what she was feeling as she kissed him. Ryan wrapped his arms around her, drawing her even closer to him as he placed his lips to hers, kissing her deeply. He moved his hands down to the buttons of her shirt and slowly opened them. This is what he had wanted for so long and it was finally happening. It was perfect to him. Eve felt his hands caress her skin as he slid her shirt down her shoulders. She wanted to scream, to cry, to fight, but knowing what he was capable of, she responded to him never breaking the kiss. If she could give him what he wanted, she would be okay...Chris would be okay. "Eve, you're making my dreams come true," Ryan whispered, moving his lips along her neck as her shirt was discarded. He moved his hands along her skin, feeling as if this were truly the first time he'd ever really touched her. Eve bit on her lower lip fighting the cry forming in her throat as he touched her. She wanted out so badly, but she knew that would be the biggest mistake of her life. She held him close to her letting him touch her as she looked across the room feeling his lips on her skin. "You're so beautiful Eve," Ryan whispered, moving his hands along her skin, trailing lingering kisses further down her body. Eve let out a whimper hoping he thought it was his touch making her cry out, but in reality her eyes were filling up with tears. She closed them tightly not wanting him to see her for what was happening inside. She played her hands along his body trying to keep herself together long enough to just follow through. After she gained control of the tears, she pulled him up for a kiss. "Eve, tell me you want me," Ryan whispered, kissing her deeply while pressing her body to his. "I..." Eve started after we'd parted from their kiss. She closed her eyes again thinking about Chris and Ryan following through on his threats to destroy him. She opened her eyes to look at him. "I want you." she blurted out kissing him again. "I want you, Eve," Ryan whispered, kissing her deeply while moving his hands down her body to begin unfastening her pants. Eve took in a breath holding it as she felt his hands unfastening her pants. She wanted to push him away, but she stayed frozen kissing him. "Touch me, I want to feel you touch me," Ryan whispered kissing her deeply. Eve could hear the urgency in his voice as she forced her hands down his body unzipping his pants. Fighting the sick feeling in her stomach, she reached inside his pants caressing him slowly. She looked back at him seeing the pleasure in his eyes as she touched him. "That feels so good, Eve," Ryan whispered against her lips as he kissed her. Eve returned the kiss still touching him. The last thing she wanted was for them to make love to one another and maybe, just maybe she could dissuade him from this she thought as her hand moved across his body. She could feel his eagerness knowing that getting him to back down would be nearly impossible. Her mind was racing as she kissed him trying to think of a way to keep this from happening. She wanted this to stop, but then she thought about what would happen and something kept her moving. Ryan moved his lips along her neck, enjoying the feel of her hand on him. It felt so good to know that she wanted him...Ryan, not kevin. Which is as it should have been from the get go. It should have been his name she has spoken over and over. It should have been him that she actually wanted instead of Kevin. And now she did. She wanted him. That made him want her even more. Eve continued to kiss him seeing how into this he was. Her fingers played across his body moving a bit faster than they had previously as she kissed him feeling an idea forming in her head. She deepened the kiss feeling him near full arousal wondering if perhaps she could get him to lose control before actually having to sleep with him. She could see how much he wanted this and if she played her cards right, maybe it wouldn't get to where she knew he wanted this to go. Ryan closed his eyes at the feel of her fingers. She was driving him crazy and if he wasn't careful, this would end long before he wanted it too. "Eve, you're driving me crazy." "Am I?" she asked in a low, breathy tone kissing his neck as her fingers moved over him sensing that her idea was working. She could feel him struggling beneath her as she picked up the pace a bit. "Oh Ryan," she moaned in his ear. "Eve," Ryan breathed out, feeling his control slipping away. He reached down and stilled her hand, "Wait. Just wait." Eve looked at him feeling his grip on her wrist as their eyes met. Damn, she thought to herself knowing that this wasn't going to work. She looked at him feigning innocence. "What's wrong?" "This is going to end too soon if you don't stop," Ryan said releasing her wrist and looking back into her eyes. "But I thought you wanted me to touch you," Eve said with a pout placing her hand upon him again. Ryan moaned at her touch, "I did ask for that, didn't I?" he asked drawing in a ragged breath. "Yes you did," Eve agreed a smile crossing her
lips as she moved her fingers across
"Then I don't suppose I should complain about something I asked for," Ryan said with a half-smile, "Especially when you do this so well." Eve almost cringed when he said that, but at the same time she knew this was her out she was looking for. She continued to work her hand upon him feeling his body reacting beneath her fingers. Just a little bit more and she'd be home free. With a pleased smile she kissed him and quickened the pace. Ryan returned her kiss and realized that he was lost in this moment. He reached his peak and kissed her deeply. After a moment, he looked into her eyes, "I'm sorry about that, Eve. Next time, I promise, it'll be better for the both of us." "Don’t apologize Ryan," she said touching his face lightly, "It's okay....really." she smiled knowing that this was more than okay for her as it had turned out exactly like she'd hoped. "We'll have lots of time," Ryan said softly, before kissing her again. "Of course," she replied letting out a breath of relief after they stopped kissing. She moved back slightly refastening her pants. "It's okay Ryan." "If you say so," Ryan said taking a deep breath. Eve pulled back getting up from his lap and moving across the room trying her best to suppress how happy she was about the turn about. She moved towards the kitchen. "I'll get you a drink." she said calmly pleased with her victory, yet knowing Ryan's stamina well enough to know that he was down, but not out and sooner or later he'd come around again. "Thank you," Ryan said, trying to hide how angry and ashamed he was at himself for not holding out for her. Eve returned with a glass of wine and handed it to him. "Here you go," she smiled at him seeing he was upset, but pretending not to notice as it had worked out in her favor. "Thanks," Ryan said taking the glass, "I'll make this up to you in time." "Ryan, don't worry about it." Eve replied taking a seat. "I'm happy just knowing that I was able to satisfy you." "You make me feel good, Eve. I needed that." "Well I'm glad," Eve replied watching him drink his drink. After a couple of sips, she noticed it was nearly empty. She stood up again. "I'll refill that for you," she informed him leaning over to give him a kiss on the cheek before taking his glass and moving to the kitchen. Ryan sat there for a moment, try to decide how to go about this. He had gone so wrong with this. He turned, wanting to see her as she returned to the room. Eve walked back into the living room seeing him facing her as she moved towards him. She noticed a strange look on his face as she approached him. "What?" "Nothing," Ryan said not really knowing even how to face her. "Okay," Eve replied handing him his glass again. "Here you are." she took a seat across from him seeing how silent he'd gotten. "You've been too good to me." "Is that a complaint?" Eve asked puzzled by his statement. He had a darkness in his eyes and she watched him intently wondering what was going through his head. "Yes and no," Ryan said watching her for a moment, before turning his eyes from her. "Did I do something wrong?" she asked confused by his turn about wondering if he was disappointed that he wasn't allowed to perform. Suddenly she was worried that she might've brought out something worse in Ryan by not sleeping with him. He seemed dark again and that wasn't good. "No, it's me. It's always been me," Ryan said angrily as he stood and began pacing the room, "I've never been the one that's good enough and here I go and prove it again." Eve sat back watching him cautiously wondering where this would lead. She wasn't clear on any words to say, so she remained silent watching him pace. "This is not how I wanted things to be with us, Eve. I never wanted to disappoint you and now I've gone and done that." "No, you haven't done that Ryan." Eve said seeing how deep he was sinking into his depression. "It's fine really. I mean it's not like we haven't.........well, I mean we've been together in the past and that wasn't that big of a deal. I just wanted to see that you were satisfied," she started thinking to herself that she was grateful he hadn't been able to hold out. "I was, but I just wish we could have been satisfied together. I should have thought about you, but I didn't and for that I'm sorry." "Ryan, you have nothing to be sorry for," Eve replied moving over closer to him and giving him a hug. "It's okay.....really." she smiled looking at his wine glass again hoping he'd be unable to try for a repeat performance later. Ryan held her and smiled, "I promise next time, we'll be together." "There's no rush," Eve whispered holding onto him hoping he wouldn't figure out that she slipped something into his drink to insure there would be no next time. Ryan smiled softly, "You certainly took a lot of out of me though with that display." "Well maybe you should rest then," Eve suggested looking back at him. "I mean we wouldn't want you to be exhausted now would we?" "No, we wouldn't," Ryan grinned before kissing her softly, "Perhaps I should rest." "Then why don't you do that?" Eve asked with a smile looking back at him. "It would be good for you." Ryan smiled for a moment, looking into her eyes, "Tuck me in?" "Of course," Eve nodded feeling in complete control of everything as she led him to the bedroom. For the first time since she'd discovered who he was she felt secure about having a handle on things. Ryan lay down and smiled as she looked down at him. She seemed to be calm about this and he figured that it was okay after all. "Rest now," Eve whispered leaning down to kiss him on the forehead before taking a step back. She looked to him deciding to leave him alone for a while as she moved towards the door contemplating her next move. Ryan fell asleep peacefully, realizing that he was more tired that he had first thought. Eve walked out of the room closing the door behind her. She moved into the kitchen pulling out the pill bottle she'd had before tucking it away in a safe place. If Ryan ever discovered that she'd drugged him, he'd kill her for sure, but now he was asleep and she was free for the moment. She reached for the phone ready to call the police when she accidentally stepped on the television report hearing the news report. She saw Julie's picture flash on the screen and news about her release fill the room. Beyond that she saw a shot of Chris and Julie leaving the jail house together as he led her to the car. She took a seat on the couch seeing how protective he was of her in that brief moment and her heart sank. "You're doing the right thing Eve," she told herself turning off the television realizing that Chris had never tried looking for her. She dialed the hospital and checked her messages only to discover a message from Chris saying he couldn't meet with her. She hung up the phone looking at it for a long moment seeing that she'd just been fooling herself about having a happily ever after with Chris. She reached for the phone again ready to dial the police when she dismissed the thought and curled up on the couch feeling sorry for herself.
“It’s so beautiful out here Chris,” Julie smiled turning her eyes to the window, “there are so many things that I’ve missed here.” "You don't have to miss those things again Julie," Chris offered lightly as they drove together down the road. "I just can't wait to get my life back again. You and Christina are what has kept me going all this time and now being back here. It's like my life have just began for the first time. I'm not trapped in that horrible place and I owe it all to you Chris." "Julie you did it on your own." "No Chris, if you hadn't believed in me, I never, ever would've been here like I am right now. You saved me from that nightmare that the world had pushed me into, but now, well its as if I'm about to have everything my heart desired and I owe you so much." "I just want to see you happy Julie and getting your daughter back was something that I promised you." "Chris I just can't even begin to thank you enough," she smiled as they pulled into the supermarket parking lot. "I mean without your support, I'd be locked up in that horrible place making ashtrays for the rest of my life. I owe you so much Chris." "Julie, just seeing you happy is thanks enough," Chris offered with a light smile as he looked to the grocery store ahead of them, "ready for this?" "Ready as I'll ever be," she said nervously, "Granted I'm a bit worried, but I know with you by my side I'll be just fine." "I'm not going anywhere Julie," He offered with a light smile. "Then I know there isn't reason to ever worry. I love you Chris," she said with a smile, "Come on. Let's do this."
Ryan woke after a short nap and smiled as he remembered a dream he had been having. It was perfect and he felt that he needed to share it with Eve. It was just a glimpse into the future for them and he wanted her to know just how wonderful it really was going to be. He got out of bed and walked into the living room slowly, seeing her on the couch, curled into a ball. She didn't seem well at all. Perhaps the episode earlier had effected her more than she'd let on. He knelt down beside her and touched her cheek, "Eve, are you okay?" She was lost in her thoughts about everything when she'd heard him approaching. Never in her life had she felt more alone then she did when she realized that she was too late. Chris was with Julie and she was here stuck in this hell she'd put herself in. She couldn't help but cry at the thought of never being happy, never feeling everything that she'd anticipated having in her life after Chris and she had been together for the brief time in the on call room. She curled up tighter as Ryan moved in beside her. She felt his hand upon her skin and it was just a reminder of what she was....nothing more than the same thing she'd always been.....someone's whore with no right to feel or have love. She was nothing more than a possession and that's all she'd ever be. She looked to him a sadness in her eyes unable to speak as she started crying. "What's wrong?" Ryan asked seeing the despair in her eyes. Something had happened. It hadn't been in her eyes earlier. What could have happened? He drew her into my arms even as she tried to resist. She slowly stopped resisting as he held her, "What's wrong? You can tell me." "Everything," Eve sobbed sinking into his arms as she felt empty inside. She continued to cry not thinking about the fact her was holding her or where she was any longer. It didn't matter....none of it mattered anymore. Her life was nothing but a joke, one big pathetic joke and once again just when things were looking up, there she was kicked in the face again and fate was letting her know exactly what she was meant for. She sobbed harder wanting to lose herself completely as her feeling sorry for herself took over. "Shhh," Ryan whispered softly as he held her and rocked her gently, wanting to ease her pain. He couldn't believe that he was actually holding her this way and feeling pain with her tears. So many times before, her tears would have caused him great joy and now they were causing him pain. He held her and hoped that he could help her with whatever was hurting her, "Eve, I want to help. What can I do?" "Nothing," Eve answered choked up on the emotions burning inside of her as her heart broke in two. She sobbed harder feeling as if her world had come to an end as she sat there thinking about all the dumb choices she'd made over the years and how she deserved this....every bit of it for wasting her life like she did. She looked to Ryan unable to continue feeling herself so lost in her sorrow. She was sinking and she knew that it didn't matter anymore because anything he did to her while he had her here was nothing compared to what she'd done to herself. "Eve, there must be something," Ryan said touching her cheek and wiping tears, "Anything. I don't want to see you hurt like this. You've lost that spirit that I love so much. You can tell me." he said then looked into her desperate eyes, "I'll leave you to yourself if that's what you need me to do, but I'd love to help you through this." "What is it with me?" Eve asked simply behind a cascade of tears. "What is so wrong with me that I destroy everything good in my life? That every time something happens for me, I have to tear it to pieces?" she cried harder not really wanting to be alone though she was hurting. Nothing seemed to matter anymore and all that she could feel was the pain. "Am I so horrible?" "You're not horrible at all. You're a very special woman, Eve. You're so pure at heart. You may have a past, but that's not what makes you in here," he said placing his hand over her heart, "It doesn't make you horrible. You're a very beautiful woman inside and out. People don't see that in you. They only see what you have in your past, or what you've done before, not who you really are. You don't destroy things in your life, Eve. If anything, you've done everything you can over and over again to protect the good things in your life." "You really see that in me?" Eve asked feeling a tear fall from her eye as she looked back at him surprised by his words as she heard the sincerity in his tone. "I do and so much more, Eve. You're under appreciated by everyone, everyone but me. I see all the good you have in you, I see the great heart you have, I see the woman that no one else cares to see." "Ryan there's still so much about me that you don't know," Eve started thinking about how she'd given herself to him for the sake of Chris. Despite everything that had happened, she didn't regret that one decision, but looking back at him she still felt sorrow. "I'm not as wonderful as you make me out to be. Truth is I'm a horrible, miserable person who only brings pain and misery to anyone who crosses her path. You're just seeing what you want to see when everyone else sees the truth about me. I just didn't want to admit it to myself." "You're not that person. You're beating yourself up for what other people have made you believe about yourself. If you'll look at yourself through your own eyes, no one else's, you'd see that you're not the person that you think you are. You're better. You're a beautiful person whose been placed in really bad situations. You've made the best of them and tried to do the right thing." Eve looked back at him wanting to believe his words, wanting to believe those things about herself, but she just couldn't feel it. Every time things started going her way, something ruined what little happiness she had. For a moment it seemed as if he truly cared about her, but then the previous night ran through her head and she knew she was nothing more than just a thing to him. She cried harder unable to think clearly as she felt his arms around her desperately not wanting to be alone. "Just hold me," she whispered faintly. Ryan cushioned her against him, stroking her hair and placing a kiss upon her forehead. He rocked her gently, wanting to relieve the pain she was torturing herself with. "I don't deserve anything," she finally said with a muffled cry, "DV told me that a long time ago....that I wasn't good for anything, but for s...." she stopped to broken up to finish, "and maybe he was right. Maybe I didn't deserve to be happy or to have someone love me." she cried harder. "All my life all I wanted was happiness, but I couldn't just allow myself to have that and now.....now it's too late." "It's not too late, Eve. It's not too late. I'm gonna help you through this. You can have happiness and you deserve it more than any other person I've ever known. To hell with what every one else wants or thinks you should want, you should take happiness where you can find it." "Why are you doing this? Why pretend to care about my happiness when all that matters is yours?" she asked looking up at him feeling the warmth of his arms around her. "Last night you were ready to hurt me....kill me if you had to and even this morning," she paused looking at the scrapes and bruises on her arms, "What is this for you Ryan? Are you upset that your little play toy won't be able to please you anymore behind a mask of tears?" she asked with bitterness in her voice more so at herself than him. "Eve, that's not it at all. Don't you understand about this yet? Haven't you learned anything about me during our time together? I'd rather destroy the things I cherish most rather than not have them at all. I want to see you happy, and I know that I can make you very happy given time. If you could just give me that time, Eve. I'll show you that you're wrong. You do deserve happiness, and I can provide that for you." "By keeping me locked away from the rest of the world?" she asked looking back at him. "By holding me here and keeping me from the life I'd made from myself? Granted it may not have been the best life, but it was mine....the one thing I could call my own." she continued crying. "Ryan how can you give me happiness when you're constantly throwing threats over my head vowing to destroy everything that I care about? Telling me you'll hurt Chris if I don't comply. How is that love?" "I didn't want to lose you! I couldn't lose you! I can't lose you," he said firmly, "Knowing that you would leave the happiness I could provide for the heartbreak that Ramsey would eventually cause you really angered me. I got irrational. I admit that. I couldn't let you ruin your life that way. He's not good enough for you. He'll never be good enough for you." "Yeah well you don't have to worry about that anymore," Eve replied thinking about Chris and Julie before looking at him again, "but you're wrong about Chris. I was the one who didn't deserve him and maybe in my heart I realize that I don't deserve anyone." she looked away feeling her heart breaking all over again. "You deserve better than him. He never deserved you. He's a con, Eve, and that's what he will always be. Do you think that he would have been content with you without money? That's what he's in love with, not you. He's in love with money. He would have become bored with you after a while, but that's not how I am, Eve. I could never be bored with a woman that has so many distinct parts to her personality." "No, you don't know Chris like I did," she replied in denial shaking her head, "yes he loved money, but he also loved me....me....." she repeated thinking of how he hadn't even thought anything about her not meeting with him. She looked to Ryan feeling her anger rise a bit. "You're interested in all the parts to my personality huh?" she repeated with a hallow laugh moving in closer to him and kissing him. "This is what you're interested in isn't it?" she asked pulling back before kissing him again. She ran her hands over his body touching him as she looked to him feeling her heart sink. "Admit it. this is what you want from me because this is all you're ever wanted me for.......to please you." she laughed slightly caught up in her own delusions here as she offered herself to him. "Then take me Ryan. I'm here and if that's what you want, make me yours." she could feel the tears burning her eyes. "Go on."
"Look pal," Shelley frowned slightly, "you said my sister was going to be here over an hour ago and I still haven't seen her." "I'm just telling you what's on the schedule," Joe replied giving her a look, "If Eve didn't show up it's not my fault." "Well she couldn't have just disappeared. Eve wouldn't do something like that," Shelley said with a frown. "If you'd like to leave a message.." he began. "NO, I don't want to leave a message. I want to see my sister, " she thought it over, "her roommate said that she was living with some other guy now. Kevin something..." Shelley frowned, "where can I find him?' "He's not in either, but if you'd like to...." Joe began. "Yeah I know leave a message. To hell with that. What's the address?" "Excuse me?" "To wherever it is that my sister is staying at. What's the address?" "I'm afraid I can't give out that kind of information," Joe apologized. "Look buddy, I'm not leaving here until I find out where my sister is, so you'd better fork up that address or you're going to realize just what a headache I can be."
"Stop it! Just stop it! Would you look at yourself? Would you look?" Ryan asked pulling her to the mirror, "Look at her! That's the woman that you think you are. But you're not. This is not who you are. This is not the woman I want either. You think that I want you as a possession, a play toy. I want an equal and you have that ability. You're my equal, but not in this condition. I say I was you for my very own, and I do. I'm not about to let you spread yourself all over and let you feel horrible afterwards. Chris doesn't love you. He just wants to string you along." Eve looked back at her own dark eyes in the mirror seeing her beaten reflection staring at her and it horrified her. She'd barely seemed recognizable to herself as Ryan spoke to her. Feeling her face burning with tears, her knees seemed to give out on her and if Ryan wasn't holding her, she surely would've sank to the floor. She started to cry harder than she'd ever cried before just wanting to disappear......to vanish and not feel any more of this pain. Ryan held her and turned her to face me, supporting her as he was afraid her legs wouldn't support her, "Eve, what you need now is rest. Why don't you get a warm shower and try to relax? I'm sure it would make you feel better. You're placing all the blame on yourself and that's just not how it should be. Maybe with some relaxation and some rest you can see that." "Maybe," she replied weakly pulling herself together enough to stand on her own. She pulled away from him feeling caught up in an array of emotions as she walked towards the bathroom. She could feel his eyes on her and at this point, it didn't seem to matter. She walked into the bathroom looking at her reflection again seeing what she'd become as she stripped down and went into the shower. She could hear him outside the bathroom as the water beat down on her. She turned it up hotter trying to numb herself as she sank into the shower walls crying again and losing track of time wondering if this would ever end. She sank to the floor sobbing for no apparent reason, but feeling miserable none the less as the water began to chill slightly. Ryan wanted to help her, to get her to stop torturing herself. He knew that there was probably nothing he could do, but he might be able to help. He went back to the kitchen and made her a cup of warm tea before going to stand outside the bathroom, "Eve, I've got you a cup of warm tea when you're done." Eve heard his voice through the door, but it didn't really register as she sat there feeling the water on her. She pulled her knees to her chest thinking about her life and what she'd done with it. Ryan had to be wrong. Chris didn't just care about money.......granted he was with Julie, but he said he loved her and for the first time in her life she'd believed in someone.....believed in herself, but now here she was alone again.....her thoughts drifted back to her time with DV and Lucy proving to the world just how horrible she was. She shuddered seeing that maybe just maybe Lucy was right. Ryan knocked on the door, terrified that something might be wrong. He tried the door and slowly opened it walking inside the steamy room. He took off his shirt and leaned in the shower to see her on the floor. He moved over to her and touched her cheek, "Eve." Eve looked at him for a moment her eyes meeting
his as she found herself lost. She
"I'm so sorry, Eve. I never wanted to see you this way," Ryan said touching her again and wiping her tears. Eve felt herself trembling as he touched her. She knew she must've looked pathetic sitting before him unable to contain herself. She leaned into his touch wanting to feel anything yet nothing at the same time. Ryan took her into his arms, sitting down and holding her in his arms, wanting to help her pain. Eve leaned into him not really clear on what to feel as she let him hold her. She closed her eyes just sinking into him wanting to forget everything that had lead her to this point. Ryan kissed her forehead, wanting to help her so much. She didn't know it, but he loved her more than he could admit. Finally after a long period of silence she heard her own voice childlike and weak as she looked to Ryan. "What happened?" she could see he was puzzled by her question, so she expanded. "With those other women before me? What happened with them?" Ryan looked at her for a moment and then looked away. He answered her slowly, "They weren't happy and I couldn't keep them that way. " "Just like me?" Eve asked neither terrified or frightened by his reaction to the question. She reached out to him touching his face. "No, not like you. None of them were like you. I know I can make you happy, Eve, if given the chance." "What makes you so sure?" Eve asked softly snuggling into him as she felt a chill in the air and she trembled slightly. "Because...." Ryan paused, swallowing hard as he thought about what to say, "Because Eve, for the first time in my life, I'm in love." "With me?" Eve asked somewhat surprised yet seeking comfort from those words. Looking into his eyes, she believed him...wanted to believe him....needed to believe that for her sanity as she wasn't sure what was going on anymore. She touched his face lightly not really giving thought to her actions as she spoke to him. "You've never allowed yourself to be truly loved before have you?" "No, I thought it would only weaken me. I thought that I couldn't be loved, that people would always lie to me about it, and I never understood that I could love, not until I met you," Ryan said watching her, wondering if she believed him. "And now you feel differently?" Eve asked listening intently hanging on every word he said suddenly wanting to understand him and not just pacify him as she'd been doing earlier. "You did that to me. Somewhere along the way, this became different to me. You became different. Not something to own, but someone to see to the heart of." "Ryan," Eve said sinking against him closer as she felt his arms around her, "I want to understand you. To know who you are." she wondered if he believed her as she'd believed it myself as the words escaped her lips. "Show me who you really are."
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