The Night Before Kevin and Lucy's Non-wedding Chris treats Eve to dinner







NOTE: All of these pics on this page are scans I did myself here. That night together.....

CHRIS: HEY THERE, ROOMIE.CHECK OUT OF HOTEL MISERY AND PUT ON YOUR SUNDAY BEST. TONIGHT WE DINE ATCHEZ CHRISTOPHE.



EVE: WHAT'S IT GOING TO COST ME?

CHRIS: WELL, SOME HELP UNLOADING WOULD BE NICE.

EVE: WHAT ELSE ISON THE AGENDA?

CHRIS: WELL, I FIGURED WE BOTH HAD THE NIGHT OFF.WHY NOT MAKE THE MOST OF IT?

EVE: YOU TOUCH ME AND I AMPUTATE A BODY PART.

CHRIS: LOOK, YOU'RE GETTING OVER SCOTT. I'M STILL REELING FROM THE PUBLIC HUMILIATION OF LOSING THE QUARTERMAINE, BUT I FIGURE WHY MOPE AROUND WHEN WE CAN AT LEAST TRY AND ENJOY OURSELVES? UNLESS, OF COURSE, YOU PREFER SITTING THERE ON THE COUCH JUST DREAMING ABOUT THE GUY WHO DITCHED YOU.

EVE: YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU ARE RIGHT. IT'S HIS LOSS, AND HE'S GOING TO REGRET IT.

CHRIS: HE SURE WILL. YOU ARE THE MOST ATTRACTIVE, INTELLIGENT PERSON I KNOW --NEXT TO MYSELF, OF COURSE. NOW, GET IN THERE AND CHANGE SO WE CAN GET THIS PARTY STARTED.

EVE: ALL RIGHT. BUT YOU HANG ON TO YOUR SOCKS BECAUSE I AM ABOUT TO KNOCK THEM OFF.



(cut to opening)



EVE: OH, THIS SMELLS GREAT.WHAT IS THIS?

CHRIS: OH, NOTHING MUCH. JUST A LITTLE SALMON EN CROUTE,WILD RICE, PEAS, CAULIFLOWER --YOU KNOW, THE BASICS. ALLOW ME TO POUR YOU A GLASS OF CHARDONNAY.

EVE: I THINK YOU MISSED YOUR CALLING, RAMSEY. YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN A CHEF AT A FIVE-STAR RESTAURANT.

CHRIS: BEEN THERE, DONE THAT. WELL, ACTUALLY, I WAS JUST A BUSBOY AT A FRENCH BISTRO, BUT I LEARNED QUITE A BIT TRYING TO SCORE THIS BLOND SOUS-CHEF IN THE KITCHEN.

EVE: ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH.

CHRIS: OH, MAN, SHE WAS SMOKING. WELL, NEVER DID LAND HER,BUT SHE TAUGHT ME THAT PRESENTATION IS EVERYTHING.

EVE: THAT'S TRUE. PUT ON A GOOD ENOUGH FALSE FRONT AND THE WORLD MIGHT JUST LEAVE YOU ALONE.

CHRIS: SILENCE IS SO STIMULATING. YOU WANT TO PLAY A GAME?

EVE: DO I GET TO KEEP MY CLOTHES ON?

CHRIS: OH, COME ON, GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER. NOW, DIDN'T YOU EVER PLAY DINNER TABLE GAMES WITH YOUR SISTER?

EVE: OH, YEAH.YES, AS A MATTER OF FACT, WE DID PLAY GAMES. THEY WERE USUALLY CALLED "SHE WHO EATS THE SLOWEST GOES TO BED HUNGRY."

CHRIS: OH, WE PLAYED THATONE, TOO.OF COURSE, WHEN MY DAD WAS FLUSH, WE'D FOOL AROUND BEHIND HIS BACK.YOU KNOW, LIKE -- LET'S SEE -- WHO COULD GET THE MILK TO COME OUT OF THEIR NOSE.AND THEN WHO COULD PUT MORE PICKLES IN THEIR MOUTH WITHOUT GAGGING. YOU KNOW, FUN STUFF LIKE THAT.

EVE: OK, WELL, I'M NOT ABOUT TO START GARGLING THIS FINE WINE.

CHRIS: I'M JUST TRYING TO LOOSEN YOU UP.COME ON.

EVE: WHAT DOES IT MATTER TO YOU IF I'M IN THE DUMPS?

CHRIS: BECAUSE YOU'RE MY BUDDY. AND I ALSO HAPPEN TO REGARD MYSELF AS A CHARMING DINNER COMPANION. AND IF ANYBODY SAW US TONIGHT,YOU WOULD RUIN MY REPUTATION.

EVE: HOW'S THIS?

CHRIS: IT'S PATHETIC. ALL RIGHT, THIS CALLS FOR DRASTIC MEASURES. OBSERVE THE PATENTED CHRIS RAMSEY EYEBROW LIFT. HUH? YOU'RE IMPRESSED, AREN'T YOU?



(cut to next scene)



[MUSIC PLAYS]



CHRIS: LIKE THE CHOCOLATE RUM BALL?

EVE: MMM.MM-HMM. IT'LL MAKE ME BOTH FAT AND DRUNK.

CHRIS: A VERY EFFICIENT USE OF OUR TIME. COME ON, LET'S DANCE IT OFF.DR. LAMBERT, MAY I HAVE THIS DANCE?

EVE: YES, DR. RAMSEY, I GUESS YOU CAN HAVE THIS ONE DANCE. BUT JUST ONE.

CHRIS: I SEE. I SHALL MAKE THE MOST OF IT.

EVE: SQUEEZE ME TOO TIGHT AND I WILL SLAP YOUR FACE.

CHRIS: OOH. IS THATA PROMISE?

EVE: THAT'S A THREAT.

CHRIS: GOOD.I LIKE THEM FEISTY.

EVE: OH, WATCH IT.YOUR BAD MANNERS ARE SHOWING.

CHRIS: I CAN FAKE IT WITH THE BEST OF THE SWELLS. HAVING FUN YET?

EVE: AS A MATTER OF FACT,I AM.

CHRIS: LIAR.YOU STILL MISS BALDWIN.

EVE: SO WHAT IF I DO?

CHRIS: WELL, NO USE DWELLING ON IT.

EVE: LISTEN, I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF, ALL RIGHT? HE WAS NICE. HE WAS FUN. HE WAS SMART. HE WAS GREAT. I COULDN'T HELP THE FACT THAT I FELL FOR HIM. NOW --I CAN'T HAVE HIM.LIFE SUCKS.

CHRIS: OH, DON'T SWEAT IT. THE SPANISH AMBASSADOR WILL BE BACK ANY MINUTE.

EVE: I DON'T WANT ANYONE ELSE. I WANT SCOTT.

CHRIS: LOOK, LIFE IS FULL OF "IF ONLYS" -- IF ONLY I'D PLAYED IT STRAIGHTER,SMARTER, SAFER, FUNNIER.BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU DIDN'T. YOU KNOW, SELF-DOUBT IS JUST GOING TO FESTER FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IF YOU LET IT. SO DON'T.

EVE: BEEN THERE, DONE THAT?

CHRIS: NEVER. I JUST WATCH TOO MANY LATE-NIGHTMOVIES.

EVE: I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.WHO WAS SHE?

CHRIS: YOU KNOW I'M A COMPULSIVE LIAR, SO THERE'S NO POINT IN HAVING THIS CONVERSATION.

EVE: OH, COME ON.COME ON, CHICKEN.TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT. DID SHE BREAK YOUR HEART? YOU CAN TELL ME.

CHRIS: NO.

EVE: I'VE HEARD IT BEFORE.

CHRIS: NOT FROM ME,YOU HAVEN'T.

EVE: ALL RIGHT.LET'S SEE --YOU GREW UP POOR. YOUR DAD WAS A JERK. YOU WROTE SOME BAD CHECKS. AND YOU'RE THE MOST COMPETITIVE SON OF A GUN THAT I HAVE EVER MET.BUT WHERE ARE THE WOMEN?

CHRIS: EVERYWHERE.

EVE: THE SIGNIFICANT ONES.

CHRIS: OH, I SNEAK THEM INTO THE BEDROOM LATE AT NIGHT.

EVE: ALL RIGHT.HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?

CHRIS: HOW DUMB DO I LOOK?

EVE: NO, COME ON, THAT'S NOT AN ANSWER. WHY ARE YOU SO JADED?

CHRIS: WHY ARE YOU INTERROGATING ME? HEY, DON'T I GET ENOUGH OF THAT FROM GARCIA DAY TO DAY?

EVE: IT WAS JUST A QUESTION,CHRIS.

CHRIS: YEAH, WELL, IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

EVE: SORRY I BROUGHT IT UP.

CHRIS: YEAH, ME, TOO. LOOK, I'M SORRY.



[MUSIC STOPS]

CHRIS: THE WINE'S STARTING TO AFFECT ME, SO I'M JUST GOING TO CALL IT A NIGHT. HOW ABOUT YOU?

EVE: YEAH, WHATEVER.THANKS FOR THE DISTRACTION. IT WAS FUN.

CHRIS: SURE.