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Please, my mind was begging, don't leave me here alone.  But I said nothing.  And I have regretted that decision my entire life.

It was a gloomy day with thick dark rain clouds up in the sky.  Mom said the sun was just sleeping when I asked her.  I remember her always having an answer for my questions, and I loved her for it.  She used to tuck me in at night and then tell me a story about two people and how they were destined to be together and after many struggles, they were.  I loved that story, and made Mom tell it to me every night.  Next, she would kiss my forehead and tell how much she loved "Mummy's girl".  I would always look forward to each night when she would tell me the story and tell me how much she loved me.

I was ten that fateful day.  Mom and I were making cookies, our favorite kind.  We were waiting for Dad to come home, he had been gone for a week and Mommy was starting to worry.  I remember Aunt Phoebe came over from next door and she, Mom and Aunt Paige had what Mom called a "grown-up talk".  I listened to them talk that day.

"Piper, I saw a demon, killing a person in some ally.  I didn't see the street name, or anything else.  But, Piper, the person looked like Paige."

"Are you sure, Pheebs?  Maybe it just looked like her.  Anyway, we might not need the Power of Three for this demon.  You and I could just go, and have Paige watch Melinda."

"You're right."

I heard thumping down the stairs and figured it was my Aunt Paige.  "Hey, guys, I got the Book!"

"Great, let's see... here it is.  That's who, or what, I saw in my premonition!"

"And we don't need the Power of Three, so Paige, would you mind watching Melinda for me?"  I knew Moms trick.  She was good about acting like nothing was really wrong, like she just wanted my aunt home to watch me.  I, however, knew better, and refused to stay home.  Mom saw me starting to come out of the room, about to sabotage their carefully laid out plan, and walked over to me, leading me into the kitchen.

"Melinda," she looked me in the eyes.  "Can you do something for Mommy?"

"Okay!" I answered happily.  I loved helping my mother out with demons and warlocks, and I knew that's what we were up against.

"Can you stay here, with Aunt Paige, and watch the cookies for me?  We don't want her to burn them like last time, do we?"

"NO, Mommy, I want to come with you, I can help!"

"I know you can, Mel, but Aunt Phoebe and I are doing this to protect-"

"Me, I know!"  I said exasperated.

"No, honey, Aunt Paige.  We think something might be after her."

I began to understand.  "So we can't let Aunt Paige catch on!"

"Right, you are a smart girl!"

"Piper!" came my Aunt Paige's voice.  "Can you come in here?"

"Yeah?"  Mom said as she walked in the living room with my aunts.

"Piper, I think I should come, I don't want to leave you guys alone-"

"Paige, it'll be fine," Mom soothed.  But Aunt Paige didn't buy it.

"We can put Melinda in the car with us, and I'll stay with her, and if I see you guys need me, I can come help.  Please, Piper, if anything happened to you guys, I don't know what I'd do!"

"Fine, but you have to stay in the car unless we call you!"  Aunt Phoebe put in.  Mom gave her a sharp look.

"What?  What's wrong?"

Mom sighed.  "Paige, Phoebe had a premonition of a demon... killing you, or someone that looked like you."

"What?!"

"So promise us you'll stay in the car with Mel."

"Um, okay."

"Great, let's go!  Me-el!  Come on sweetie, you get to come with your favorite aunt!  Oh, and Mommy and Aunt Paige."

"Funny, Pheebs!"

"Yeah, favorite aunt!  You wish!"

"Just get in the car!"

It was a fairly long ride, but I immensely enjoyed it.  While Mommy drove, Aunt Paige and Aunt Phoebe played with me and we all talked and even sang some songs.  When we got to the street my aunt was sure she saw in her premonition, my heart began to race.  It always did that when the people I loved fought evil.

My mother and aunt got carefully out of the car, and, holding hands, proceeded towards the ally.  I wanted to beg her not to go, but Mommy always said it must be done ëfor the greater goodí.  Out of nowhere, a gust of wind came and blew Aunt Phoebe down.  A demon appeared from the cloud of smoke, and Mom, trying to get Aunt Phoebe up, didn't see it coming at her.

Aunt Paige fumbled with the door, trying to get it open, and told me to stay put, no matter what, and to try to call my daddy.  She got out of the car, and I started to say "Daddy, Daddy!" softly at first, then louder and louder as the demon came closer to the person I loved more than anything on the earth, my mother.  Daddy didn't come until too late.  The demon did something, and my mommy was thrown against the wall.  Aunt Paige screamed, and she and Aunt Phoebe moved closer to each other to say the vanquish.

"Demon, killer, hear these words,
Keep away from this family, and with this spell,
You'll stay forever,
Haunted in Hell."

Just as they finished the spell, Daddy arrived.  I ran out of the car to see my mommy.  Dad looked confused, and glanced around, probably for me, since I had called him, or Mommy, because she wasn't with my aunts.  When he spotted me running, he walked over to me and picked me up.

"What's wrong, sweetie?"

I started crying.  "Mommy," I managed to answer.

It was then that my father noticed his wife on the ground.  My aunts rushed over, and when Aunt Phoebe saw Mommy, she started choking on her tears.

"Piper, it was Piper, it's all my fault!"

Dad knelt down in front of Mommy and tried to heal her to no avail.  She was gone.

When Aunt Phoebe saw Dad give up, she became hysterical.  "No, I thought it was Paige, it was Piper, you looked like Paige, Piper, I'm so sorry!"  She lay down in front of Mommy, and Aunt Paige followed her example.  Daddy just held me and we all cried for the loss of a great mother, sister, wife, and friend to all.

The first few weeks after my mother's death, my Aunt Phoebe was inconsolable.  So were my father and Aunt Paige for that matter.  They all wanted to know how I was holding up, or if I wanted to talk.  They didn't know I had a secret.

About three days after my mother's death, I went up to the attic.  Paige and Phoebe didn't know, nor did my father.  It seemed like they were closed off to all magic for the time being.  But not I, I had a brilliant plan in my ten year old eyes.

I walked slowly up to the Book of Shadows, the very thing of which my family was steering clear.  I carefully turned the ancient pages of the book and found the very thing I was searching for.  A Seance.  A ceremony to contact the dead: my mother.  I gathered the materials quickly and quietly, so no one would see or hear what I was trying to do.  I sat in front of a small table and noticed a small carving in the side of it.

PH  PH  PH  and next to it a tiny heart.  Beneath the carving in letters that looked more recent was PM.  I sniffed as a large tear rolled down my cheek.  It spelled the initials of the Charmed Ones, I realized.  Prue Halliwell, Piper Halliwell, Phoebe Halliwell, and Paige Matthews.  I repeated those names over and over as I traced the letters.  And two of the sisters had been killed by demons now.

NO, I shook myself, it wasn't final.  I could still get my mommy back.  I focused on the spell, and began saying it.  Louder and louder I got, and finally I saw a brilliant white light.  I gasped and stood up, anticipating the arrival of my mommy.  But it wasn't my mother that I saw.  It was a person I had only seen in pictures, one that I heard so much about.

"Melinda," she said as she looked adoringly on me.

"Aunt Prue?" I asked incredulously.

"It's me, sweetie!"

"But-"

"But you were trying to get your mom, I know.  Piper knows, too, she tried that spell when I died."

"Where's Mommy?"

"In heaven, with all the angels, and your grandmother, and Great Grandma."

"But I want her here," I pouted.

"I know, sweetie, I know.  When I was even younger than you I lost my mommy.  And you have a daddy to help you.  I didn't."

"Were you mad?"

"Yeah, I was.  I was mad at my grams, for not saving her, and my father for not being at her funeral.  But I was also mad at my mom."

"Can you keep a secret?"

"Of course, it's your Aunt Phoebe you shouldn't trust!"

"That's what Mom and Aunt Paige always say.  I'm kinda mad at my mommy too."

"That's normal, Melinda, but you have to know that she didn't do anything wrong.  She wanted to stay with you, Phoebe, Paige, and Leo.  But it wasn't meant to be."

"Do you know Aunt Paige?"

"Not that well.  I watch you all sometimes, and that's when I see her."

"You do know Daddy, right?"

"Oh, yeah, I knew your Dad.  He's a great guy.  Did you know that Piper and Phoebe were actually fighting over him when we first met him?"

"Tell me," I begged.  Aunt Prue smiled.

"Well, your Dad had to pretend to be our handyman-"

"Prudence Halliwell, I would never expect this kind of behavior from you," came playful words from the voice I had been longing to hear.  "Phoebe, maybe, but not you!"

"Mommy!" I sobbed.  She smiled but put a finger over her lips telling me to keep quiet.

"Melinda." She sighed.  "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, Mommy, I understand.  Aunt Prue talked to me about it."

"Oh, before she started telling you about my and Aunt Phoebe's contest?"  she smiled and gave a pointed look at Aunt Prue.

"Love you, too, Pipe."  Prue turned to me.  "See how much you're missing without me?"  I smiled, the first smile in weeks.  She bent over and whispered in my ear, "Have Phoebe tell you and Paige all about it.  You're missing quite a story, there."

"Prue, you never could whisper well.  Phoebe and I are the only ones who know, and we'd never tell Paige or Mel about it."

"Like Leo didn't notice!"

"Mel, how is your father holding up?"

"Yeah, change the subject, Piper."

I decided to break in.  "I don't think he's okay."

That made Mommy nervous.  "What do you mean?"

"He doesn't really talk much, anymore.  And he hasn't left for his job in a few weeks."

"Mel, can you do something for Mommy?"

"Like when I help you out with demons?"

"Yes, exactly!  You need to help Daddy get past this, help him laugh and have fun again."

"I don't think it'll work, Mommy, Dad hardly looks at me any more."

"What?"

Prue broke in.  "She looks just like you, sweetie," she said in an undertone.

"You need to help Daddy fight his demon, Mel, help him move on."

"No, Mommy, you're coming back, I have to find a way-"

"No, Melinda, it was meant to be."

"That's not what Dad says, all he says anymore is ëitís not meant to beí.  He says you were meant to be together."

"We were together.  We were very happy, and for a long time."

"I need you, Mommy!"

"I'll be watching you, Melinda.  I'll be here if you need me.  I love you," she said as she started to be engulfed in shimmery lights.

"I have to go, honey."  Aunt Prue's voice echoed in my head.  I nodded mutely.  My plan had failed.  Mommy was gone.  Forever.

"Call me if you need me.  You know how, now.  I love you, Melinda Wyatt."  For the second time that day, a loved one left my life.

I fell to the ground, shaking and sobbing.  My Aunt Paige heard me because her room is closest to the attic.  She came in the room and seeing me on the floor, ran to me to engulf me in a hug.  She had been more of a parent to me lately, and I hugged her back as we both cried, her for a sister she had only know a short time, and me for a mother just lost.

I hadn't really thought my mother would ever die.  I was ten, the biggest thing on my mind was which friend I would have over the next day, or if my aunts would take me shopping.  I didn't know how I'd be able to survive without her.  My father seemed lost in deep thought at all points of time, and my Aunt Phoebe was either crying or reminiscing.  My Aunt Paige cried a lot, but she spent most of her time with me.  I think she felt a little guilty, or maybe she just didn't know Mommy the way Aunt Phoebe and Dad did.  We talked about many different things, but mostly about Mommy.

After a while, I decided to tell her about seeing Aunt Prue and Mom.  I knew she would believe me.

"Aunt Paige?" I started.

"Yeah, Lin?" she used her pet name for me.

"If I tell you something, will you promise not to tell Aunt Phoebe, and especially Daddy?"

"Yeah, sweetie, it's your Aunt Phoebe you can't trust!"

I almost choked when I heard her repeated those words.  It struck me how similar her voice was to Mom's and Aunt Prue's for that matter.

"Um, a few days ago, I went up to the attic to see if there was any way to get Mommy back.  I cast a little spell," I paused, but my aunt's face seemed undaunted.  "I cast a spell to bring her back, and I got Aunt Prue."

It was Aunt Paige's turn to choke.   "You what?!"

"Yeah, and she told me Mommy used the same spell when she died."

"Really?"

"Uh-huh.  And Aunt Prue was funny, she started to tell me about how Aunt Phoebe and Mommy both liked Daddy and were fighting over him."

"Now that story I missed."

"Me, too, because just as Aunt Prue started to tell it, Mommy came in and said that she didn't ever expect her to do that, Aunt Phoebe maybe, not her."

"Your Mommy ëcame iní?"

"Yeah, the same way as Aunt Prue did.  She just appeared from these white lights."

"Oh my God, I need to tell someone, no, I can't!"

I watched my aunt pace around the room until I was dizzy.

"Did your Mommy say she could come back?"

"She said it was meant to be."

"That can't be possible.  She has a husband, two sisters, and a daughter here, and it was meant to be?"

"I'm sorry."

"Oh, Lin, don't be sorry, it wasn't your fault.  Come on, let's go make dinner for everyone."

I nodded complacently and followed my aunt down the stairs to cook for the people who used to make me laugh and smile and now only make me cry.

Dinner that night was far from fun.  Dad didn't say anything, unless it was to ask my aunts about watching me in case he was called.  Aunt Phoebe kept almost saying something, then break down in tears instead.  That only made Dad more silent.  Aunt Paige and I didn't talk either.  What used to be one of my favorite parts of he day was now demoted to last.

Aunt Phoebe cleaned up the dinner dishes and then left to go home.  Dad was called away for the first time in weeks, and Aunt Paige went to bed early.  I walked around the house, searching through old papers and pictures.  I found and old album and began to sift through it.

There was a beautiful picture.  It had four smiling people on it, people I hardly recognized.  I noticed my mother and father in the center, holding hands and looking towards the camera.  On Mommy's end was my grandfather.  I had seen him only once in a while, and he was at the funeral.  But the person on Daddy's side was a person I had only seen in pictures from many decades ago.  It was my grandma, Patty.

I didn't hear my aunt come in the room.  She silently slid next to me on the floor and only then did I notice her.  She wasn't crying, but she looked almost happy.  She pointed at the photo next to the one I had been looking at.

"Your Aunt Prue was a photographer, and insisted on taking picture after picture at that wedding.  That's me there, and there's Piper next to me.  In that picture, I was whispering to her about telling her children one day about how she successfully won Leo's heart.  After, she told me she would kill me if I ever tried to do so.  But, we need some happiness in these sad times.

"Your Dad came into our lives as a handyman," Aunt Phoebe began the story.  I listened intently to the story Mommy had stopped Aunt Prue from telling me.  It was funny at times, but also sad when my parents split up for a while.  I never knew all this interesting stuff about my father!  Then I realized the answer I had so desperately searched for.  I found the way.

I had found the way to help Dad move on, just like Mommy asked.  If he told me about her, and remembered all the good memories, maybe he might be able to cope.  I realized this plan was subjected to failure, but it was my only shot right now, the only way I could think of to bring my father back to us.  My aunt made up some excuse about why she had to go, although I knew it was because she didn't want me to see her cry.  I pretended to buy it and proceeded to my bedroom to get some answers for him and me.

I entered my room hesitantly, slightly doubting my plan.  Would this work?  What if I only made him more sad?  Finally I concluded that anything was better than the treatment he had been giving me these weeks.  Don't get me wrong, he was never mean, but I needed my real Daddy back.  I wanted, no, I needed to get past this, and I needed someone to help me.  My aunts had done their best in every way they could, but my father was the person most needed.

"Dad?"  I shouted at the ceiling.  "Dad!"

Shimmery lights announced the arrival of my father.  He looked at me first with a confused expression, then an expectant one.

"Well?"  he prompted.  It was the most he had spoken to me since...

"I.. I.."  I stuttered, nervous.

Dad seemed to sense my discomfort and sat on my bed, motioning me to follow.  I immediately relaxed and followed his example.

"Dad, can you, um.. can you tell me all you know about Mom?  You know, before I was born?"

At first Dad seemed uneasy, but then he understood where this was coming from.  I love him for that and it would definitely come in handy later.

"Sure, Melinda."  He paused, and looked me in the eyes.  He turned his gaze toward the window, and began their story.

"What I first noticed about Piper was her eyes.  They seemed to light up with life, and sparkled when she smiled.  When she spoke to me, my world spun out from under me, and I could barley think straight.  Then I found out she felt the same way.

"Our time together was at first short lived.  I hated myself for causing that disappointment that shone in her eyes.  But I had to do it, I had to leave."

"Because of the Elders?" I asked.  He gave me a questioning look.  "Aunt Phoebe."  I explained.  He nodded and gave the faintest sign of a smile.

"Because of the Elders," he confirmed.  "Piper was devastated, I could tell, but she tried to act as if it was okay, as it we would see each other the very next day.  It broke my heart to see her to that, to see her pretend for my sake.  I knew her well, and knew she would wait till I left before locking herself in her room and crying.  I left, and she waited."

"But you came back," I urged him on.  "You came back and you started dating her again."

"Yes, we sorta dated.  But when Piper and her sisters went to that lake where your grandmother died, I realized I couldn't put them in that danger.  So I left again."

"And Mommy started dating Dan."

"Yes, and it broke my heart to see her with someone else.  But I thought it was the right thing.  When Piper got sick, and almost died, I healed her, and got my wings clipped for a while.  I felt it was a chance to get her back, to win her heart.  When she finally told me she loved me, oh, God!  I was so incredibly happy.  A little while later, I asked her to marry me.  She thought about it, and said yes.  It was perfect, and I loved seeing her so happy.  It made me even more happy.  We had you, and the light in her eyes only grew brighter.  I miss her so much."

"I miss her too, Dad,"  I comforted.  "We'll get through this, together."

"I don't think I can live without her," came a voice I hardly recognized as my father's.

"Just think about the good memories, and how lucky you were to know her, even if was for a short time."

Dad turned to me.  "I don't know how I could do this without you."

My father needed me.  He needed me .  And I had done what my mother asked of me.
 

I have a secret.  It's one I've never told anyone.

My father had gone out for groceries.  I was thirteen.  Alone in the Manor, I walked around aimlessly, desperately searching for something to reduce my intense boredom.  As I walked into the attic, I felt a strange chill.  I ignored it and continued on my tedious search.

An old trunk sat silently before me, yet I knew it was bursting with secrets.  I carefully lifted the old mahogany lid, and fingered through the contents.  I stopped short as I recognized a hair clip of my mother's.  Beneath it was a letter, addressed to me.  I slowly picked it up and began to read it.

My dearest Melinda,

If you're reading this, it probably means I am no longer with you.  I'm sorry, but I know how strong you are, and how you'll get through it.

I have a secret.  There is an opening in the back of the attic.  It is near the left corner, and at the very bottom.  Hit twice on the top, then once on the bottom, and it will open for you.  This was always my secret door, one I never told anyone about, not even your father.  I have some personal things in that opening, and I want you to have them.

Please, Melinda, don't tell anyone about our secret.  When you are older and have a child of your own, do as I have done to share the secret.

You can keep anything you like in the cupboard, or take anything out.  But don't tell about it.

I love you more than you can ever imagine, and I will always watch down on you.

       Love,
        Mommy

I ever so carefully placed the letter down and proceeded to the back of the attic.  I hit the top twice, and the bottom once, and the door popped open.  I gasped aloud and slowly reached into the cupboard.  I pulled out a doll, barely used, with brown hair and brown eyes, just like my mommy and me.  Next was a ratted bunny, with most of it's hair missing.  I hugged it quickly, and stuck my hand in the opening again.

A journal was sitting at the far end of the secret passage.  I extended my arm and pulled it out.  It turned out not to be one journal, but four.  They were bound together with a purple ribbon, her favorite color.  I skimmed each one, and found they covered over eleven years, from her sixteenth birthday, right up to my father proposing to her.

From downstairs, I heard my father call my name, signaling he was home, and quickly stuffed everything back in the cupboard.

I visit that spot nearly every day.  Since then, I have started my own journals, to keep for my own daughter.  The opening contains all the belongings my mother had, added to my own things.

I kept my promise.  Not a soul knows about the door.

As I think about this five years later, I try to remember only the good memories of my mother, as I told my father to.  We've slowly gotten through the loss of her, and Dad and I, along with Aunt Phoebe and Aunt Paige, have had to connect better as a family.

I love you, Mom, and I always will.