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It seems I never get enough of this…
It seems I never get enough of this…
M&Ms, money, and Mark’s fucking metal, played loud enough over the speakers to burst eardrums. That was the thing about the Empire: no matter who came and went, it always stayed the same. There was always a Mark, always a Gina, always a Berko. The only ones who came and stayed were Lucas and Warren. And Deb. They never got replacements.
There was never another AJ. Or another Corey.
But then again, there didn’t really need to be. Mark and Gina and Berko had moved on, but only to do the same jobs in different locations. Mark had started his stupid band and he was trying to get on a label down in LA. Gina had joined Berko’s band, and they were about to have a kid, so Berko ended up having to get a “respectable job” to pay the rent, although he never specified what it was. He seemed happy, though. Gina too.
AJ and Corey, though. It had been a year since the two left, hand in hand, a year of no letters and no visits and no phone calls, a year of working the register at the Empire with no one to talk to but fucking Warren, who still stole even though he was fucking working there. Lucas was no help—his boyfriend worked at the Empire, and he was always either fucking on the couch in the lounge—now no one wanted to touch those cushions—or carrying on his ancient Asian wisdom bullshit, with a healthy dose of “love is all you need” thrown in. Joe and Jane spent most of their time between the Empire and the industry. Jane may have dumped Rex Manning, but she still needed to eat—at least, that was the line Joe kept feeding them.
And then there was Deb. All she’d been doing for the past year was working, going to therapy, trying to un-fuck herself. Hey, she’d stayed away from plastic razorblades for a year, as her legs and armpits could attest, and that was at least something. But it wasn’t enough, somehow. Berko hadn’t been enough. The Empire wasn’t enough. Nothing was ever enough, and Deb didn’t even know what she was searching for anymore, what exactly would be enough.
Well…this customer was maybe enough, enough and too fucking much, that was for damn sure. She shut the register and handed him the bag, just glad he was finally leaving. “Have a nice day, thanks for shopping at the Empire.”
“Have a nice day?” Deb looked over into amused, puppy-dog brown eyes. “What happened to you, Deb?”
“AJ?” His hair was a little longer, his clothes a bit more paint-streaked, but it was him. AJ. “Adrian, take this fucking counter.” She didn’t even check to see if he’d heard before she vaulted it.
She landed on top of him on the floor; his bag squished beneath her breasts, his knee pressed into her thigh, his chin digging into her neck. But it was great. It felt like old times, wrestling in Berko’s loft when they were all too drunk and bored to care how many bruises they got. They were both giggling, and her nose ring was caught in his hair.
“Fuck, Debra. Way to make a guy feel welcome.”
“She’s practically humping you on the floor. I sure hope your ass feels welcome,” Warren said, nudging AJ with his foot. He was carrying a brown box that was almost falling out of his hands. “Deb, you wanna help me with the new Rex Manning singles?”
Deb rolled over on top of AJ, making sure she untangled her piercings first, arranging herself on top of him comfortably. His arms locked around her waist. “Oh, is it time for the ritual burning?”
“Actually Alex wanted to huck ‘em at cars, so we figured hey, why not. If the cops show up we can say it’s a promotional stunt from Rex’s manager.” Warren shifted the box to one hand, extending the other to Deb. She grabbed it and pulled herself up, helping AJ to his feet.
When he got up, he didn’t let go of her hand. Instead he squeezed it, their rings colliding with a metallic clink. She looked at him, brushing her hair out of her face. “You wanna?”
He shrugged. “Why not? I’d never miss a chance to throw sexy Rexy off a building.”
“Some things never change,” she said.
* * *
The first cd single bounced off of a fire hydrant, cracking into a few dozen pieces. “Score! Ruined the case without damaging a pedestrian. You’ve obviously been practicing.”
AJ smiled and flipped another cd off the side. They were up on the roof, shielded from cops and afore-mentioned pedestrians by the Empire Records sign. “So, Joe is okay with you guys ditching work to destroy merchandise? I mean, I know he was always kind of a loose boss, but…”
“Oh trust me, he welcomes this kind of shit. He has to order Rexy’s albums due to some sort of contractual agreement, but he refuses to sell them in the store. So we get target practice.” Deb let one fly like a Frisbee, watching it smash against the wall of the building opposite them.
They sat that way for a while, just letting them fly and watching the light refracting off the shards of plastic, and then AJ spoke. “You can ask me, you know.”
Debra shrugged. “How’s Corey?”
AJ looked down at the street. Deb could see the look on his face out of the corner of her eye: a little rueful, a little amused. AJ always seemed to get weird joy out of the shittiest things. “She’s currently dating, uh…how’d Eddie put it? A big blond guy who eats ivy and rows boats.”
“Dishonesty,” Deb said, not exactly surprised. AJ choked a little, half-laugh, half something else, and she turned to face him. “Look, I’m sorry. I’d pretend to be broken up for you, but we all know I only tolerated her. You needed something…else.”
“Something else? Like what? And you know, I thought you really liked her by the time we left.” AJ looked…kind of pissed, truth be told. Corey might have fucked him over, but she was still the girl he’d been in love with for half his life.
She crossed her arms. “Yeah, I felt for her. But she was still popping speed like candy when she left. And you’re my friend, and I love you. You shouldn’t have been dating someone who was just trying to obey her daddy, or just trying to rebel against her daddy, or someone who just loved that someone else was in love with her. You were in love with some perfect girl, and Corey wasn’t perfect, which is why I love her. But you didn’t really seem to get that.”
AJ went quiet. They listened to the sounds of Warren and Alex wailing to Gwar down below, crunching cds beneath their heels. Debra dropped the rest of the box overboard, leaving it to the kids down below to avoid it.
“You’re right,” AJ said finally. “We weren’t right for each other. Corey’s still caught up in grades and school and growing up to be her mom. I’m just…lost. I still have no idea what the fuck I want to do with my life, and Corey was planning our wedding and how many kids we should have and when, and whether she go into criminal law or entertainment.”
“What’d she choose?” Deb asked, honestly interested.
“Criminal,” AJ replied, shooting her a slight grin. “But it was my fault. Dishonesty.” He shook his head, looking over the side at Warren picking plastic out of his hair.
“So you…”
“So I fucked someone else, Deb, yeah.” Deb didn’t know if she’d ever heard him use the word fuck before, especially in relation to women. “It was—”
“Stupid?” Deb asked, nudging him with her shoulder.
He looked at her and grinned. “Very stupid. But then, brains were never my strong point.”
“Nope. That’s why you and Corey go along so well. She was the producer—”
“And I designed the cover of Rex’s new album. Right.”
Deb laughed. When she looked over at him again, he was smiling at her. His eyes were wide and happy and soft, like melted M&Ms, and she wondered if they’d always looked that way, or if it was just time and distance. She had to look away, over the side to where Alex had Warren pressed up against the side of the building. Good for them. “So, what are you doing here?”
“Just thought I’d check on the Empire. See if you have any openings…”
Deb looked over at him, ready to push him over if the situation demanded it. “Please, tell me you didn’t.”
He laughed, and her heart went back to its normal beat pattern. “Kidding. I’m not that hung up on Corey. But I do miss you guys.”
“We miss you too. Alex only listens to classic rock, and Warren seems to have inherited Mark’s love of metal, along with the rap. And the Whitney Houston.”
AJ arched an eyebrow sympathetically. “That bad?”
“There are not enough vetoes in the world.”
AJ laughed again, and Deb was surprised at how happy she was to hear it.
* * *
After awhile, watching Warren try to get his hand down Alex’s pants got boring, so they went back inside. Besides, Adrian had been working the registers for the past half an hour, and Lucas was due in at anytime. Even in a store full of customers, without proper supervision they’d end up screwing on top of the cash register.
AJ collapsed on the floor, fingers going immediately to the coins still glued to then floor. “Joe hasn’t replaced the carpet yet?”
Deb shrugged, seating herself on the couch behind him. “It’s only been a year.”
“Yeah, huh? Sometimes I kinda forget. It feels like its been forever.”
“Yeah, well. That’s what a year can feel like when you don’t even talk to people. Forever.” Deb could hear her voice going cold without her permission, and she inwardly flinched. She hadn’t seen AJ in a year. The last thing she needed was to scare him off with her supreme powers of bitch.
But he didn’t get pissed. Instead he just turned to face her, looking sad and…sorry. “I know. I should have written.”
“Yeah, you should have. Or called, or sent me an email, or just fucking told someone to tell us hi. But you didn’t.”
He grabbed her hands in his, stroking the backs with his thumbs. “I know, Debra, I’m sorry. I was a shit. But I told you. I’ve been trying to figure things out.”
She looked away, rolling her eyes and wishing he’d let go of her so she could brush her hair behind her ear. Finally he did it for her. “What the hell do you think I’ve been doing? I’ve been trying to get my shit together in the midst of everyone leaving me, and I didn’t even have a number to call for you and Corey. You stupid fuck.”
He bent over to kiss her wrists, first the scarred one, then the other. “I’m sorry.”
“Fuck off.”
He smiled. “I bet I know what you need. Stay here.”
He let go of her wrists, wandering off into the main part of the store. Deb could hear the Velvets stopping in mid-note, and then Adrian’s voice yelling, “Hey dude, you’re not even an employee!” AJ ran back in just as the beginning notes of the song started to play.
“Oh Rexy, you’re so sexy…”
Debra shrieked with laughter. “Oh, you shit!” AJ grabbed her arms, pulled her up and forced her hands to his waist. “I’m not dancing to this, AJ. Not again, not ever.”
“But I’m sexy, Debra, I’m sexy,” he said, leaning over to sing into her ear. “Say no more, mon amour…lips are for kissing, baby, je t’adore…”
“I hate you,” she said, giving up. She moved her hips against his, hands wandering over his chest.
His hands tangled in her hair, brushed against her nose ring. “What’s with the new gear?”
She shrugged. “Can’t be bald forever.”
“So you outgrew your Cranberries phase?”
“Hey, fuck you. I like the Cranberries.”
He laughed again, a rumble against the top of her head, and she made a hissing noise and pulled back, just far enough to slip his shirt over his head. “There you go.” Her fingers ran over a tattoo on his shoulder, his hip. “New ink?”
“While I was searching for the ultimate purpose to my life, I decided on some flesh-altering pictures to go along with the ones on canvas. Reminded me of you.”
“Oh, really?” she asked, breathless from the dancing. From the dancing, and from nothing else, even when he leaned down to press his lips against hers it was just in fun, just the way it had always been.
Except this time when she licked at his mouth, he opened it to give her passage.
It was just a quick thing, a slip of her tongue into warmth and wet, touching his lips, silky and soft. And then she pulled back.
His eyes were still wide, and happy, but they didn’t look quite so puppyish anymore.
“Can I assume that you found out some of the answers to the shit you were trying to figure out?”
“Something like that,” he said, and leaned down to kiss her again with a smile. She kissed him back; ran her fingers through his hair and tried to find something to grab onto without clinging, to hold without grasping. She was about to grab something else when Joe walked through the door.
He shot them a weird look as they pulled apart, AJ wiping his lips. “AJ. What the hell are you doing here?”
AJ blushed. “Um. Just came for a visit.”
“Uh-huh.” Joe’ s eyes shifted back and forth between Deb and AJ. “Just don’t make too much noise. Or on second thought, Debra, why don’t you go home? Your shift ended seven minutes ago.”
“Why, what time is it?” Deb said, wishing she had less hair, if only so it wouldn’t be in such disarray.
“1:37. Now go home and don’t come back til you two have gotten this out of your systems. Its bad enough that I have Lucas and his little boytoy messing up my couches. And I’m not gonna ask now, but tell Corey I said hi.” Joe waved goodbye to them and then went into his office, stopping Rex Manning—thank God, hallowed be Her name—in favor of some Metallica.
Deb looked at AJ. AJ looked at Deb. And then he leaned over to tweak her nose ring, smiling as she growled at him and pushed him away. “So, your shift is over?”
“Apparently. Just let me punch out.” Debra grabbed her coat and bag, punched out her card, and then waved goodbye to Lucas and Adrian, who thankfully never made out when Joe was in the building.
“That all?” AJ had his shirt back on, his bag over his shoulder, and he was smiling like he had been on the roof. Not earlier, but the last time she’d seen him, right after he’d told Corey about Boston.
“Yeah. Just one more thing.” Deb went back out into the main area of the store, exercising her final veto for the afternoon, if only to eject a cd from the store’s sound system. There was a sound suspiciously like a cd cracking beneath Doc Martens, and then Deb walked back into the lounge, a smile on her face. “I’m ready. Lets go.”
“For real, this time?” AJ asked, looking at her doubtfully.
“Yeah,” she said, slipping her hand into his. “For real.”
END
Song at the top is played in the movie, but I have no idea who its by.
